Hope?
Hope is such a slippery slope. On the one hand, you want that hope. You need to cling to the hope because otherwise, what's the point.
But on the other hand, to have that hope is to live in a world of unknown and fear. That's the world I'm living in now.
My Little Man's siblings are living with kin. The cousins of their father. My Little Man's father. These kin are big scary monsters to me because I envision them abusing my Little Man. These were the people I sent him to in November for a few hours to visit his siblings and he came back with signs of sexual abuse. I didn't want to think it was his siblings that may have done that to him. I wanted to believe the monsters were adults.
But I digress....the reason I mention the cousins is because they reached out to me a few weeks ago to discuss the case. I'll be honest, I've been living in denial for a long time after the visit from his case workers in June. This impending doom that he's potentially going to be sent home by the end of the year has me terrified and numb.
But the conversation I had with the cousin has given me some hope. At least hope that maybe he's not going back to his mother.
Because there are things being done outside of my realm that I wasn't aware of and this means that Little Man will probably not be going home by the end of the year. That my Little Man will become a name and a face that I can show on social media and actually call my son instead of this stuttering thing I attempt to push out of my mouth that ends with "....this is my kiddo"
I'm not eating or sleeping well. I'm worried. I'm scared. I'm uncertain of what is going to happen.
What I do know is that next week (the 2nd, to be exact), I am hoping that this journey is going to start coming to an end. I know that I'll have a lot of work ahead of me if rights of his parents are terminated. But that is work I'm willing and eager to do.
In the meantime, I'm enjoying the end of the summer with my Little Man...who is not so little anymore.
But on the other hand, to have that hope is to live in a world of unknown and fear. That's the world I'm living in now.
My Little Man's siblings are living with kin. The cousins of their father. My Little Man's father. These kin are big scary monsters to me because I envision them abusing my Little Man. These were the people I sent him to in November for a few hours to visit his siblings and he came back with signs of sexual abuse. I didn't want to think it was his siblings that may have done that to him. I wanted to believe the monsters were adults.
But I digress....the reason I mention the cousins is because they reached out to me a few weeks ago to discuss the case. I'll be honest, I've been living in denial for a long time after the visit from his case workers in June. This impending doom that he's potentially going to be sent home by the end of the year has me terrified and numb.
But the conversation I had with the cousin has given me some hope. At least hope that maybe he's not going back to his mother.
Because there are things being done outside of my realm that I wasn't aware of and this means that Little Man will probably not be going home by the end of the year. That my Little Man will become a name and a face that I can show on social media and actually call my son instead of this stuttering thing I attempt to push out of my mouth that ends with "....this is my kiddo"
I'm not eating or sleeping well. I'm worried. I'm scared. I'm uncertain of what is going to happen.
What I do know is that next week (the 2nd, to be exact), I am hoping that this journey is going to start coming to an end. I know that I'll have a lot of work ahead of me if rights of his parents are terminated. But that is work I'm willing and eager to do.
In the meantime, I'm enjoying the end of the summer with my Little Man...who is not so little anymore.
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