Fostering The Love In Kansas

1,200 days... 28,800 hours... 1,728,000 minutes... That is how long Little Man has been in my life.  And my life has changed in more than 2 million ways. That's 1,200 days that his life has been in my hands and honestly, mine has been in his.  In those 1,200 days here is what I have learned about being a mom. 1. I am no longer calling myself his "foster" mom but rather just mom and that has been the most emotional change in my life.  I see myself as his mom, he is my son. 2.  The amount of times people have told me how much they are amazed of the changes in Little Man in even the last 6 months proves that we are doing something right, even when it's exhausting, repetitive, and doesn't seem to be working. 3. The village needs to get bigger. In order to provide more support to myself, Jay, and to Little Man, I need to ask for more help. I have done a disservice to Little Man and others by sheltering him and others from his differences and because of that...

Here is what I have learned from being a foster parent for 900 days: 1. Adding one more makes a HUGE difference. Both good and bad but I’d never change it for the world. 2. March 7-9 we go to trial to finally finish this long run for Little Man. Termination of mom’s rights. Dad relinquished a few weeks ago and we’re hopeful mom will too. If not, we sit through 3 days of testimony on why she should have her rights terminated. This is both heartbreaking and exhilarating for me. She’s losing 3 kids and my heart breaks for that loss but I’m one huge step closer to making Little Man a Kennedy. 3. Changes come slow and changes come fast. But changes always come and celebrating even the small ones is exciting. 4. I am more and more aware of Little Man’s differences and I am also a lot more aware of my limitations. Asking for help is getting loads easier. 5. The mom title is now much more comfortable and deserving. I am so proud to be called mom by some of the best little h...

Today marks me being a foster parent to my Little Man for 2 years. It's hard to believe it's only been 2 years but then also that there is still so much ahead of us. Here is what I have learned being a foster mom for 2 years: 1. The label "mom" was a hard one for me to wear in the beginning because, in my head, I am not a real mom.  But after 2 years, I am Mom.  I wear that label proud.  I announce my label to anyone who listens.  I've worked really hard to have this relationship with Little Man and I am proud of it. I'm thankful that I have been given this opportunity to become the mother I wanted to be; all because of him. 2. Growth is a constant theme for us.  Not only is he growing physically, but his speech, reading, and writing are leaps and bound better than where he was a year ago.  His personality and sense of humor is growing.  And his sense of self is too.  The growth I see in him is amazing. My Little Man 3. I am not pre...

So, here is what I have learned from being a foster mom to 2 boys for 2 weeks. 1. Honestly, I need to buy a dairy cow. The amount of milk I am going through is insane. 2. My attention is being pulled in many different directions and it's not just Little Man that is adjusting to this, my poor fat Aspen is struggling too. 3. What once was easy is now much much harder. I can no longer just pick up, with one kid, and go. It takes flow diagrams, bribery, and masters in packing to get these two out the door without me having to turn around because I forgot something. 4. Little Man is adjusting and learning to share....who am I kidding?!?! That's a lie. 5. I have never been more sleep depraved, dirty, and plain physically exhausted....but I am so incredibly fulfilled. Don't even get me started on diapers and why my house smells like poop and pee all the time now.

So I haven't done one of these for awhile, but here is what I've learned from being a foster mom for 444 days. 1. The village constantly changes but the support stays the same. 2. Fears I personally had (spiders) don't matter when your 6-year-old WANTS/NEEDS a tarantula. 3. There are phases that kids go through that make you feel helpless and sad. Others make you feel like pulling your hair out. Little Man and I argued this morning about the year. It was about 5 minutes in when I realized I was arguing with someone who can't put socks on. 4. Self care is important but impossible to achieve. I need a haircut, massage and sleep but it won't happen. 5. Walking Little Man to school is still my favorite thing.

I have been a foster mom for 252 days (9 months) and this is what I have learned: 1. Not unlike a pregnancy, I feel like I've worked on this Little Man and have created a little person who is becoming so much of his own person. 2. Something has clicked in Little Man recently and he has become more affectionate, more talkative and has much more personality. 3. Someone (Little Man) has learned eye rolls (his own version) and while immensely humourous....I do not look forward to the major attitude that could be coming in his tween and teenage years. 4. It's amazing the imagination of children and to see Little Man playing, singing, and dancing to his own imagination is just so wonderful. He couldn't/wouldn't do that 9/8/4 months ago.... 5. The more time I have this wonderful little man, the more I realize that I can never come back from this. I am going to be forever changed from this.

Here is what I have learned from being a foster mom for 140 days (5 months): 1. This little man that calls me mommy changes almost daily.  Just when I think I've figured out all his quirks, needs, wants and desires, he goes and changes/adapts/wishes for more.  It's exhausting but exhilarating at the same time! 2. For every meltdown we have, there are weeks worth of good times.  This ratio has changed drastically from when he was first placed with me. 3. Little Man is good with change, as long as I prepare him for it.  Not unlike many of us. But the time it takes to get him prepared is long and drawn out. The reverberations of this change is felt for days. 4. Giggles and full on belly laughter is not unusual anymore and that makes me absolutely overjoyed. 5. My Little Man wants nothing more than to be of service to me and others.  We all could learn a lot from him. With this 5 months comes some changes.  I found out recently that Little Man's bi...

Here is what I have learned after being a foster mom for 120 days (4 months): 1.  My fear is that this thin line I've drawn between utter adoration for Little Man and keeping in mind that this is a job and that he could go back to his mother at any time is vanishing quickly.  2.  Laughter of a boy who is super ticklish is utterly contagious. Especially when it flows so much easier now.  3.  Victories, no matter how small, shall be celebrated with high 5's and giggling.  4.  Anger, in Little Man's body, burns my handsome boy out like a wick of a candle. Bright and long. It takes intervention to cease the flames of rage. That and epic pillow fights and wrestling matches.  5.  It's not just me that sees this Little Man and the potential. The team that is climbing aboard this journey grows on a daily basis. You can't help but love this boy with his infectious grin and sense of humor that delights. 

Today I celebrate having Little Man for 90 days.  In those short amount of days, I have learned this: 1. In the past, I would have argued you can't fall in love with someone that quickly.  How wrong I am. You can give someone your heart in a relatively short amount of time. 2. Sometimes, not knowing how to deal with behaviors means you're open to advice, opinions and trying unorthodox things. 3. Real fear is when your child is hurting and you can do nothing about it. 4. When I am told that the chances of Little Man going back to his mother are ZERO, my heart overflows, and my hope is reignited that this little man is going to be mine. I just need to be patient. 5. Christmas is a foreign concept to Little Man (as was Halloween and Thanksgiving), but I am thoroughly enjoying seeing holidays through his eyes. Little Man is getting more and more comfortable with me, his home, his doggie and his family.  He loves his Amee and Papa.  He loves his Fi.  He l...

Here is what I have learned from being a foster mom for 79 days: The things I take for granted (holidays, clothing, food) are not something Little Man takes for granted.  He doesn't understand Christmas so we are talking about it a lot at home.  I will be honest, Christmas time is always a very depressing time for me.  But I think this year is going to be a good one because I'll be able to show him what it's about (family, friends and giving) A haircut makes a little boy look so different.  Little Man had his first hair cut with me on Monday and he looks like a little adult man.  I find myself staring at him because I don't recognize him at first.  My heart tripped a bit when I think of all the hearts he is going to break. His level of dependency and love for me seems to have deepened.  He asks me to do things for him and he brings me things to show me.  The trust we are building together is starting to prove to him that he's safe. My...

Here is what I have learned from being a foster mom for 43 days (that's 6 weeks and a day): 1. Telling a child to stop picking their nose will increase the number of fingers up said nose. 2. As a foster parent, I am in the dark when it comes to what is happening outside of what Little Man and I have going on.  It's incredibly frightening to think that things are being decided without any input from me. 3. I have never known exhaustion like I know it now. 4. Getting enrolled in school is easy until you introduce foster care and IEP from a different county.  I'm not sure what's going to happen, but it's not cut and dry. 5. Halloween seems to be a foreign concept to Little Man, but we have a costume that I would not have picked out for him.  But he chose it so we are going as Mario. Now to explain trick-or-treating.

Last night was one of the worst ones we've had.  I need to get this out.  Honestly, I've thought about little else since last night. I put Little Man to bed last night.  Everything seemed normal.  Although, leading up to bed was a bit rough.  We had dinner at our local church and there were other kids there that he ran with.  He was having a great time but was loud and he was seriously worked up. I stopped him running one time and he was shaking so hard from all the adrenaline pumping through him.  He was angry at me and wouldn't listen but by the time we got home, he was happy.  Cuddly and happy. About an hour after putting him to bed, I felt something hit the wall between our rooms.  I went in and he had thrown all his toys around.  A couple of them were broken.  He had eaten - EATEN - the binding off two books. As soon as I walked in, he shut down.  He knew he had done something wrong. But I couldn't get him to speak...

9/28/2015 Here is what I have learned from being a foster mom for 28 days.  1. Best feeling in the world is when Little Man sees me when I come to pick him up at daycare and he launches himself into my arms.  2. The knowledge that I and Little Man are not alone on this journey. The amount of people cheering us on and lending a hand is awe inspiring.  3. Attitude truly is everything. When I'm safe in the knowledge that he is staying, our relationship went to a whole new level and that is solely because he knew I was happy  4. If a child is quiet for even a few minutes, check on them. Little Man pooped in his room, on the carpet, and hid it for several hours.  How do you even address that??? 5. While I tell myself and others that this is a job, my heart belongs to this little boy. I am his mommy.  All it takes is a hose, a bike, and a boy to create happiness.