Fostering The Love In Kansas

This blog post started a lot differently a few days ago. I had some hope that I was going to be making a decision not based on emotion but rather one based on facts only.  But after the last few days, I know that my decision has been based on both emotions and facts. But mostly, it has shown me that my gut needs to be listened to. Lately, it has been hard.  Hell, the last couple of months have been hard.  And it's not because of any one thing.  The biggest thing is that I haven't been able to work a full week of work for MONTHS because of Little Man. Between his therapies, school, and appointments.  But the biggest is the amount of mental strain I've been feeling with him and school. Monday I pulled Little Man from school.  I will not be sending him back. This has been building and building.  Jay and I have talked about what Little Man's future will look like - education-wise - once his adoption is finalized and we've always leaned toward...

I realize that some days 5-year-olds have rough days.  Today was one of the roughest days so far, for Little Man. He woke up in a good mood, we went to school in a good mood.  For all intents and purposes, I thought he would have a good day - like every other school day. Around noon, I received an email from one of his teachers asking if something had happened over the weekend because he was being very disruptive. When I went to pick him up after school, I was pulled into the school and spoke to both of his teachers. He kicked one teacher, tackled another kid in assembly, yelled throughout the day, had to be removed from the assembly and was pretty much a complete a-hole to everyone around him. I made him apologize to the teacher and then we tried to talk about what happened.  Tried being the operative word. Trying to talk to Little Man is like talking into a canyon and getting your own echo back.  He will repeat the last word or two when you talk to him but ...

So I was asked by Little Man's teacher to meet with her after school today.  Only 3 days in and I'm being brought in...I honestly had a stabbing moment of fear that I forgotten something in his backpack or had done something wrong...like I was being called into the principle's office. But it turns out that my initial concerns with putting Little Man in kindergarten are confirmed.  After 3 days, his teacher is not sure he's mentally capable of being in kindergarten. He just doesn't understand what is being asked of him in class, he can't comprehend what they are doing.  He just isn't there. He is struggling and it's just stressing him out.  Which I see...he has huge dark circles under his eyes, he's angry and he's tired. My options are now limited.  I've called to ask the principle for a meeting. I have to call the group that does assessments and request them to reassess him rather than go off an old IEP. But since he's 5, it...

I know that people always say that the 2nd day is always the worst after a workout and surgery, etc....well the 2nd day of kindergarten was the worst! This morning, we walked to school and I took him into the gym where breakfast is served.  He took his backpack off, got his milk and then proceeded to try to walk to the front of the line.  He was told to get in line a few times before he finally figured out what they wanted from him.  And when I started to leave I hear "No, Mommy...wait" and he looked so pathetic and sad. I said I had to go to work and that he needed to go to school and eat breakfast.  He kept calling after me "bye mommy" with those puppy dog eyes....he got me the first couple of times and I said bye back but then I realized he was stalling me so I just turned and left.  Man...he knows the buttons. When I got him from school, he was so excited to see me.  Yelled "Mommy" and ran towards me.  I'll admit, my heart leaped when he did ...

I'm coming to realize that the only limitations that Little Man has, are usually ones I envision for him.  I was really concerned about his first day of school.  But he did great.  He got a little overwhelmed when we made it to his classroom and I told him no when he wanted to run over to a bucket of letters.  He started to pout, but I quickly diverted his attention. I left him there and walked home.  I didn't cry (much) after that but I worried all day.  Not because I thought he would be harmed but that he would be too much for them.  I did get an email from his teacher half way through the day and she pretty much told me what I was worried to hear.  He's seriously behind and they are going to have to evaluate how to deal with that. And it's not academically that he's behind but that his motor skills are like a 2-year-old.  He uses his index finger and thumb almost exclusively to eat and pick things up, he doesn't know how to hold a...

Now, I may be overreacting a bit but I am freaking out about this.  I have had Little Man almost 2 months now and he will finally get to start school on Tuesday. And I'm freaking out because...you guys...he's special.  I mean, I know your kid is special but Little Man...Little Man is my special. I know I've mentioned that Little Man came with IEP's (3 to be exact) and reading through them was heartbreaking.  But what I really was concerned about was just how far behind he is. And the fact that he's not potty trained yet.  And is severely resistant to the whole concept of potty training. And I seem to be the only one concerned about him attending kindergarten.  I know, on an intellectual level, that this is going to be good for him.  That he's going to be pushed to come out from the delayed black hole that his mother had him in. But in my heart, I also know that my Little Man is sensitive and observant.  He's going to hear the comments and teasi...

I finally got the last 3 years of IEP's from the bio mom for Little Man.  As I read through them, going from when he was 3 years old, all the way up until July of this year...I am very quickly aware that while they were able to pinpoint a lot of his weaknesses and areas that need to be improved on, NOTHING has really been done to help him. The same things they saw at 3 years old, he still has at 5 years old.  So why is that the case?  I know part of it may be because of his home life.  Mom noted in his first IEP at 3 years old that he had a "wandering eye" and would get it looked at, but Little Man still has a lazy eye. They talked about how his vocabulary is many years behind his actual age.  And this is still true. They talked about how his motor skills are poor and need work.  And this is still true. So what has been done to help this little man? And trying to get him enrolled at the local school is going slow because they honestly don't know w...