Fostering The Love In Kansas

Celebrating Thanksgiving is always the time to reflect on all the things in our lives we're grateful for. Being a parent, there is always something we're grateful for. Our kids, their health, our health(ish), the love we have in our lives. But what I never thought about being grateful for was the "YES". I've always been someone that makes changes quickly. I make decisions quickly and sometimes even without much thought. But when it comes to big, life-changing, decisions I agonize over them, ask everyone their opinion, agonize some more, etc. But ultimately, I already knew what the answer was - deep down in my gut. The idea to start fostering came to me one day and it wasn't even discussed with anyone. I reached out to our local agency and asked for information. I said YES the minute they asked if I wanted to attend classes. No hesitation. When I started fostering, my plan was always to get an older child. I didn’t want a baby. I didn’t want diaper...

It's definitely not the time to start celebrating but things are starting to wind down in the case of Little Man.  His dad relinquished his rights several weeks ago.  I'm both happy and sad about this. Sad because he didn't even try to work the case.  He didn't ask to be in contact in the future. He just walked away.  He genuinely showed no interest in his kids. But I also see the happiness in this because IF he hadn't, we would have had the case drug out for another year.  Little Man would have so much more trauma around his father.  There would have been more behaviors and therapy needed.  I also see that his father knew he could never provide for the three kids.  He has 3 felonies, he was getting clean, and he was in a treatment facility.  He recognized that it was in the kids best interest.  So I respect that. Little Man's mom is refusing to relinquish.  She wants the court to work for the removal of her rights. ...

Today marks me being a foster parent to my Little Man for 2 years. It's hard to believe it's only been 2 years but then also that there is still so much ahead of us. Here is what I have learned being a foster mom for 2 years: 1. The label "mom" was a hard one for me to wear in the beginning because, in my head, I am not a real mom.  But after 2 years, I am Mom.  I wear that label proud.  I announce my label to anyone who listens.  I've worked really hard to have this relationship with Little Man and I am proud of it. I'm thankful that I have been given this opportunity to become the mother I wanted to be; all because of him. 2. Growth is a constant theme for us.  Not only is he growing physically, but his speech, reading, and writing are leaps and bound better than where he was a year ago.  His personality and sense of humor is growing.  And his sense of self is too.  The growth I see in him is amazing. My Little Man 3. I am not pre...

So, I have always wanted a big family.  The idea of gobs of kids running around and being noisy and dirty has never repulsed me.  I love the idea of taking care of people and especially MY people. My heart actually warms with the thought of big family dinners, noise, mess, and just love.  I wanted to be the mother that everyone came over to our house because they would be loved, listened to, and fed.  I wanted my kids to be proud of me as their mother and excited to visit with their families. When I went through the infertility treatments, the thought that I could have multiples with a pregnancy never scared me either because it's my family in one big push.  When that didn't happen, I figured fostering was going to feed that need to feed, love, and (s)mother kids. And it has happened.  I love having two boys.  I love having three bonus kids with the manfriend.  I love working with him and his two teens because I can (s)mother the heck out of t...

This isn't a milestone day - we have been placed together for over 22 months but it's not exactly 22 months today. Instead, it's just 675 days that Little Man and I have been together. But it's days, like today, that reminds me of how far we have both come. How much has changed in both of our lives.  Mostly all for the good. Today, Little Man is hanging out with his Amee and Papa because camp is closed this week. He is running through a sprinkler, helping with chores, and running errands.  All totally normal things. I realize, every day, that this is not a normal life though. Every Saturday, he leaves for 24 hours.  He leaves in good condition (physically and mentally) but comes back dirty, smelling of urine, manic and usually in the clothes he went in even though I pack him a bag with a lot of different clothes (pullups, PJ's, underwear, etc).  And it doesn't matter to his case team...we continue to put him in that situation. In 39 days, we go back to c...

I talked about you today....for like the millionth, hundredth, billionth time.  I talked to a room full of people about why I wanted to be your mommy. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to be anyone's mommy.  But now, after 614 days, I want to be YOUR mommy. The venue - Liberty Hall in Lawrence, KS I talked about how hard it was to come to terms with not being a mother.  How I didn't feel like I fit into a preconceived notion of what a mother was. And the whole time, I saw your crooked smile...your floppy hair that is starting to look suspiciously like a mullet...the way you look at me out of the corner of your eye when you are picking your nose.... And I told them how smart you were and how big you are getting.  I think they could hear the pride in my voice when I talked about how funny you are and how nice you look when you dress yourself. Today I talked about how much I struggle to wear the title Mommy with you but you never struggle to call me ...

Back in October, it was determined that permanency was going to be extended until January.  It's now a little less than a month until then and what I had assumed was going to happen has not. When I worked at the agency, I knew what I would have done as the worker to make sure Little Man went home as close to the court date in January (within means and barring any issues). His social worker was chastised for not being consistent with transportation and visits.  So, naturally I assumed visits would happen more frequently and over Christmas break, we would start overnights. Visits started more frequently but are less consistent than before.  He hasn't seen his siblings or mother in a month. Most of the visits were the ones I would drive him there and back because his worker would forget to put in transport. Last visit was supposed to be a long one but the worker decided to change it to a short one because she messed up transport again. That was the last one we had....

For the last year, I have been engaged in this battle with the foster system, with social workers, with bio parent, and with the courts.  I currently am battled out.  I don't want to fight anymore. I just want them to see how wonderful Little Man is and how much better off he is with me. This is neither appropriate nor what may be the truth.  Maybe he is better off with his bio mother.  Everyone deserves a second chance. But my gut is telling me differently and my heart is hurting. Court was on Tuesday and it has been pretty unanimously decided that Little Man will be going home.  While they gave mom 90 days extension, visits will be ramping up and overnights will start.  He is going home to his bio mother. I have 90 days to make him remember how smart he is, how brave he is and how much worth he has. The GAL lied to me and said he was still against it but stood up in court and said that Mom has done everything asked of her and he has no issues w...

I wouldn't say that I didn't believe the stories I heard of frazzled mothers and their actions but I may have thought they were slightly exaggerated.  But that all changed when I found myself, at 11:30 at night, rounding the corner into the kitchen, and before I knew it I had stuffed a chicken nugget that had been sitting on the counter for four hours into my mouth. I didn't even think about it, I just stuffed it.  First let me just say that, in the past, I wouldn't have had chicken nuggets sitting on the counter. And second, I wouldn't of put the chicken nugget in my mouth at 11:30 at night. But this night I hadn't eaten dinner because Little Man had a meltdown while I was serving him his dinner, so I had to coax him into eating and just never got back to my meal.  And it's around this time of reflection, that I realized then that my hair had been in a sloppy bun on top of my head every night (and day for that matter) for the last five weeks....