Fostering The Love In Kansas

So, I have always wanted a big family.  The idea of gobs of kids running around and being noisy and dirty has never repulsed me.  I love the idea of taking care of people and especially MY people. My heart actually warms with the thought of big family dinners, noise, mess, and just love.  I wanted to be the mother that everyone came over to our house because they would be loved, listened to, and fed.  I wanted my kids to be proud of me as their mother and excited to visit with their families. When I went through the infertility treatments, the thought that I could have multiples with a pregnancy never scared me either because it's my family in one big push.  When that didn't happen, I figured fostering was going to feed that need to feed, love, and (s)mother kids. And it has happened.  I love having two boys.  I love having three bonus kids with the manfriend.  I love working with him and his two teens because I can (s)mother the heck out of t...

I'd like to report that I slept in, I had breakfast in bed served to me by two wonderful children and a manfriend.  We have lunch plans but I was given the luxury of some alone time where I can soak in the tub, have a fancy cup of coffee and maybe read. I'd like to report that but instead what has happened is this: 6:45 a.m. (A.FUCKING.M) - Little Man comes crashing into my room and plants his knee right into my bladder - jarring me out of bed immediately. 7:07 a.m. - Mr. T is screaming in his crib because he can hear with his supersonic ears, that Little Man and I are awake and doing things without him. 7:45 a.m. - Mr. T has started his breakfast and I have started Little Man and I on an art project for my mother and Manfriend's mother - to be presented at lunch. 8:32 a.m. - first breakfast over and art project just about done - Mr. T takes first dump of the day and requires a bath.  I've started a load of laundry 8:55 a.m. - second breakfast has begun for ...

I have been a foster mom for 23 days.  Those 23 days have been good, bad and some have been really ugly. Some of the good ones were days where Little Man and I did absolutely nothing but just be with each other and giggle and explore our connection. Some of the bad days were because he was angry or sad or just plain scared and didn't know how to deal with those emotions so he acted out. The really ugly ones haven't been about him at all.  Rather, it's about how the system is ugly and cruel and not put in place for the betterment of the child. Today I was told that he will most likely be removed.  Not because he hasn't flourished, built relationships and started healing.  But because the family that they will place him with are kin and so won't be paid the daily rate from DCF. While I knew the chances of him going back to his family where high and I knew that I needed to prepare myself.  What I wasn't prepared for was that the system put in place to ens...

9/21/2015 Here is what I have learned from being a foster mom for 3 weeks. 1. Bribery and manipulation are still the only currency that works with Little Man. 2. Poop and pee are still funny at 41 years old. 3. Disguising the same food in other forms is key to getting a picky eater to eat. 4. Learning to pick your battles is key in keeping your sanity. 5. Some people are worth fighting for even having only known them 3 weeks. Little Man and I took a walk after dinner (which was just reheated rice and hamburger but I put some sauce on and he shoveled it in like he hadn't eaten for 3 days). Normally, walks are no issue and they really wear him down but my knee is getting so bad that I'm popping anti-inflammatories and pain pills on the regular.  Luckily, I have surgery scheduled next week to remove the meniscus and cartilage in my knee.  I'll be down for a bit but will be better equipped to keep up with him after that (hopefully).  Because this boy wants t...

So I'd like to say that I had a naked male in my house all weekend and we did wicked things but what I really mean is a toddler that somehow found new ways to exhaust me.... My 5-year-old came to me not potty trained.  Yes, 5-years-old....it has been a battle because he really likes wearing diapers.  And I believe that sitting on the toilet was used as punishment because he would scream bloody murder when I first asked him to sit on the potty. I don't think he is not intelligent enough to get on board with potty training, but I just think he's lazy and hasn't been truly motivated to use the toilet. I've read quite a few websites, magazine articles, and books and most of them say to take the diapers away along with the clothes and just let them learn to ask to use the potty. Meaning...you don't leave the house because your toddler is buck-ass naked. I'm serious...I had a naked 5-year-old running around my house like he had invented the concept of being na...

9/20/2015 I've really had to think hard about what to write about the first home visit.  I have a lot of thoughts going around in my head and I didn't want to verbally vomit all over this blog the day it happened so I've had some time to think about it. Friday the 18th Little Man's worker and my worker came to the house.  This will happen once a month until the end of god damn time. The point of this is to make sure I don't have him locked up or am using him to create couture clothing in a sweatshop.  Of course, while they were there he decides to have a complete meltdown and I had to put him in timeout. Little Man loves pretty girls.  Besides my friend Fi, he was flirting and hanging all over his worker. I think part of it is because she's there when there is visitation with his mom and siblings but also because he sees a pretty young girl (that's code for someone he can manipulate).  Well, apparently he tried to hit her when he took her into his ro...

Here is what I have learned from being a foster mom for 20 days: 1. Do NOT startle your naked toddler...there will be pee 2. Pancakes for dinner makes me awesome apparently 3. Home visits from the foster system suck big ass! 4. Just sitting there listening to him play is entertainment you can't buy. 5. You can do the Topeka zoo in about 35 minutes and still see just about everything. My ass is huge

9/16/2015 I am tired.... Like, so tired that I'm too tired to sleep, tired. I briefly considered letting Little Man just fend for himself and I lock myself in the bedroom with headphones and Xanax... I threw around the idea that I could drop him off at a friends house (or a neighbor) and leave for the evening... I even (not really) thought about a Benadryl and milk concoction. I ended up just feeding him, bathing him, playing with him and putting him to bed as normal. I yawned more, I forgot to buy a few things when we stopped at the store, I'm fairly certain I won't get a shower tonight but my Little Man knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is loved, fed and cared for.  And almost as if he knew it, he was wound up tight tonight and just wanted to wrestle, run and be loud. But my body is worn out, my brain is not firing and I'm missing things.  I stay up late to clean the house, wash the dishes, do work and generally do the things I don't want to do...