Fostering The Love In Kansas

I think I've said it before but I am not a patient person.  And the waiting is honestly killing me.  To make things worse, doubt enters my mind all the time and it sits heavy on me. There are 19 days left to wait while Little Man is listed on a website with his siblings.  After that, the adoption process starts.  I have been filling out paperwork and sending in and they have been processing so I know that the clock doesn't actually start after the next 19 days.  But we're still looking at probably 10-12 months before it's all done.   I know I need to be patient but my overthinking mind gets the best of me and I start worrying.  What if I'm not approved?  What if someone else steps up and wants him?  What if family finally decides (after 3 years) they want him? And then today...I find out that Mr. T is going to adoption also.  So all the paperwork I'm doing for Little Man will cover Mr. T.  In the next 10-12 mon...

It's definitely not the time to start celebrating but things are starting to wind down in the case of Little Man.  His dad relinquished his rights several weeks ago.  I'm both happy and sad about this. Sad because he didn't even try to work the case.  He didn't ask to be in contact in the future. He just walked away.  He genuinely showed no interest in his kids. But I also see the happiness in this because IF he hadn't, we would have had the case drug out for another year.  Little Man would have so much more trauma around his father.  There would have been more behaviors and therapy needed.  I also see that his father knew he could never provide for the three kids.  He has 3 felonies, he was getting clean, and he was in a treatment facility.  He recognized that it was in the kids best interest.  So I respect that. Little Man's mom is refusing to relinquish.  She wants the court to work for the removal of her rights. ...

Not really but I'm beginning to believe that I'm Chicken Little.  Today is court for Little Man.  We were just at court 3 weeks ago.  The reason we have it again, so soon, is because the parents are supposed to relinquish rights today. I've heard this before.  We've started termination trails twice.  I've had my emotions tossed around.  But I really am tired. I want this to be over. I think we've all come to the conclusion he won't be going back ever.  So, it's not even the thought of that that keeps me awake and emotional.  Today it's just the unknown. But today could make such a difference for us.  Today, we could start a new journey towards adoption. I'm both excited and scared. Excited because I hate this system and I'm ready to be done.  But I'm scared because it'll be done and it'll be just me and him.  And what if I mess him up, what if I hurt him worse, what if I make it worse?  I know I couldn't possibly b...