Fostering The Love In Kansas

As Little Man has gotten older, his personality has developed but so has his differences. I don't even know how to explain Little Man to some people so I gave him a label early on. Autism...he's autistic...please be kind to him, he is autistic. It was easier to explain.  And while it wasn't official, it was still a way to explain him to people.  Because I felt like I had to explain him...prepare people for him. It is also used as a warning and I hated that. No one should be warned about Little Man. He doesn't need a warning label but in reality, he does. It helps people feel more comfortable around him because he is different. He makes noises or says things that are different and make people uncomfortable. He repeats things and often times doesn't acknowledge anyone else - he lives in his own world. A few weeks ago we started the process of getting an official autism diagnosis. It's not something I need to know but it is needed for him and his future.  His...

Mr. T has been with us a year now.   I can't even begin to tell you how much he has grown in that time.  How much we have all grown in this year. Little Man has had some growing pains with having to learn to share, be kind and set a good example.  But I've noticed lately that the way he interacts with Mr. T has changed and it's been such a wonderful sight to see (and hear). Mr. T has grown by learning to use words, walking, showing us how to laugh at everything, and being a complete joy to watch interact with the world.  We're working on potty training and speech.   I will admit that I really held myself back from fully falling for him. I truly believe that reunification, when appropriate, works.  And I had a lot of hope that he would go home.  His momma truly does love him.  She just struggles to get her life in a place where the two of them (and even all the other children she has had removed) with her. ...

It's definitely not the time to start celebrating but things are starting to wind down in the case of Little Man.  His dad relinquished his rights several weeks ago.  I'm both happy and sad about this. Sad because he didn't even try to work the case.  He didn't ask to be in contact in the future. He just walked away.  He genuinely showed no interest in his kids. But I also see the happiness in this because IF he hadn't, we would have had the case drug out for another year.  Little Man would have so much more trauma around his father.  There would have been more behaviors and therapy needed.  I also see that his father knew he could never provide for the three kids.  He has 3 felonies, he was getting clean, and he was in a treatment facility.  He recognized that it was in the kids best interest.  So I respect that. Little Man's mom is refusing to relinquish.  She wants the court to work for the removal of her rights. ...

Today marks me being a foster parent to my Little Man for 2 years. It's hard to believe it's only been 2 years but then also that there is still so much ahead of us. Here is what I have learned being a foster mom for 2 years: 1. The label "mom" was a hard one for me to wear in the beginning because, in my head, I am not a real mom.  But after 2 years, I am Mom.  I wear that label proud.  I announce my label to anyone who listens.  I've worked really hard to have this relationship with Little Man and I am proud of it. I'm thankful that I have been given this opportunity to become the mother I wanted to be; all because of him. 2. Growth is a constant theme for us.  Not only is he growing physically, but his speech, reading, and writing are leaps and bound better than where he was a year ago.  His personality and sense of humor is growing.  And his sense of self is too.  The growth I see in him is amazing. My Little Man 3. I am not pre...

So, I have always wanted a big family.  The idea of gobs of kids running around and being noisy and dirty has never repulsed me.  I love the idea of taking care of people and especially MY people. My heart actually warms with the thought of big family dinners, noise, mess, and just love.  I wanted to be the mother that everyone came over to our house because they would be loved, listened to, and fed.  I wanted my kids to be proud of me as their mother and excited to visit with their families. When I went through the infertility treatments, the thought that I could have multiples with a pregnancy never scared me either because it's my family in one big push.  When that didn't happen, I figured fostering was going to feed that need to feed, love, and (s)mother kids. And it has happened.  I love having two boys.  I love having three bonus kids with the manfriend.  I love working with him and his two teens because I can (s)mother the heck out of t...

This isn't a milestone day - we have been placed together for over 22 months but it's not exactly 22 months today. Instead, it's just 675 days that Little Man and I have been together. But it's days, like today, that reminds me of how far we have both come. How much has changed in both of our lives.  Mostly all for the good. Today, Little Man is hanging out with his Amee and Papa because camp is closed this week. He is running through a sprinkler, helping with chores, and running errands.  All totally normal things. I realize, every day, that this is not a normal life though. Every Saturday, he leaves for 24 hours.  He leaves in good condition (physically and mentally) but comes back dirty, smelling of urine, manic and usually in the clothes he went in even though I pack him a bag with a lot of different clothes (pullups, PJ's, underwear, etc).  And it doesn't matter to his case team...we continue to put him in that situation. In 39 days, we go back to c...

I talked about you today....for like the millionth, hundredth, billionth time.  I talked to a room full of people about why I wanted to be your mommy. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to be anyone's mommy.  But now, after 614 days, I want to be YOUR mommy. The venue - Liberty Hall in Lawrence, KS I talked about how hard it was to come to terms with not being a mother.  How I didn't feel like I fit into a preconceived notion of what a mother was. And the whole time, I saw your crooked smile...your floppy hair that is starting to look suspiciously like a mullet...the way you look at me out of the corner of your eye when you are picking your nose.... And I told them how smart you were and how big you are getting.  I think they could hear the pride in my voice when I talked about how funny you are and how nice you look when you dress yourself. Today I talked about how much I struggle to wear the title Mommy with you but you never struggle to call me ...

This morning, I was reminded that Little Man is not always going to be a typical 5-year-old and some mornings are hard.  He woke up in a bad mood and non-verbal. Not sure what prompted it but I kept us to our schedule as though nothing was different. I needed him to know that the world that we have together is going to continue whether he is in the mood for it or not. He made this one day at school a few weeks ago so I put it on him and told him it was his protection from the world. I don't know if he understood it, but he held my hand tight on the walk to school and asked for a 'kiss hug' before he went in.  He hasn't let me walk him all the way to the school doors since, like day 3, so I knew he was feeling a bit vulnerable. My heart aches for the pain I see in him sometimes but I have to believe that after 85 days with me, the pain is a little bit less.  He came home in a better mood and it was made even better because we took a walk with doggy, we saw Am...

Here is what I have learned from being a foster mom for 56 days (8 weeks!!!): 1. While I don't subscribe to the gender roles necessarily, Little Man is a boy through and through. He wants to be dirty, he wants to make lots of noise, and he really has zero issue with putting his fingers in his nose. He's gross and dirty and smelly (oh lord the smells). 2. I struggle with calling myself a Mom and Little Man my son. But the more mom's I talk to make me realize that just becaus e I didn't pop him out doesn't mean I'm not a mom. 3. I found myself standing around last week with a group of mom's and I was a part of this group. I could exchange stories and ask for advice. I'm trying to not cry about this but I have wanted to be a mom for awhile and I am...I'm Little Man's mommy. Thank you, ladies, for that.  4. While I thought it was pretty awesome that he calls me mommy...the best thing was when he told me he loved me without prompting...