Fostering The Love In Kansas

So, I'm just going to come right out and say this...I have the patience of a tea bag.  I never have been patient. I have a lot of other skills, patience is not one of them. Now that Little Man's parents have relinquished, I want everything to move at light speed.  Where is my home study packet?  Who is his adoption worker?  When can we get this ball rolling? I need to find the calm in this and remember every moment of it but I can't. I want out...I want to be done with fostering. I've become so jaded lately with the system. I know I shouldn't be. I should be patient and let things work themselves out but I'm totally and officially over it. I want Mr. T's case to be done and over with. I want to move on and not have a life where I am constantly having to leave work because social workers are coming to the house, or I have to run to visits or court. I honestly went into fostering thinking I was going to do this for the rest of my life. I wanted ...

Not really but I'm beginning to believe that I'm Chicken Little.  Today is court for Little Man.  We were just at court 3 weeks ago.  The reason we have it again, so soon, is because the parents are supposed to relinquish rights today. I've heard this before.  We've started termination trails twice.  I've had my emotions tossed around.  But I really am tired. I want this to be over. I think we've all come to the conclusion he won't be going back ever.  So, it's not even the thought of that that keeps me awake and emotional.  Today it's just the unknown. But today could make such a difference for us.  Today, we could start a new journey towards adoption. I'm both excited and scared. Excited because I hate this system and I'm ready to be done.  But I'm scared because it'll be done and it'll be just me and him.  And what if I mess him up, what if I hurt him worse, what if I make it worse?  I know I couldn't possibly b...

I've been sitting on this feeling for the last week. I didn't want to verbally vomit all over this blog with what happened last week because I was angry, sad, and downright beaten. What should be a countdown to termination has become something I had hoped wouldn't happen. First, I want to say that termination should never be celebrated.  It's a sad eventual outcome that is a blow to any family.  I know that in my instance, Little Man's mom has done all she can do and has come to realize that she just cannot provide for all of her children.  It's a sad time for everyone because she's losing all her kids.  She's losing that tie to her biological children. I am hoping that she will stay in Little Man's life, if not for her benefit, but for him. But that all changed last week when we went to pre-trial.  Dad showed up.  He had been released from jail in April.  Had been in prison the whole time Little Man has been in state custody.  He aband...

On the eve of the pretrial for Little Man's termination, I find myself sad and anxious. I'm sad because it's going to go to termination and Little Man's mother will be losing her 3 children.  This will have been going on for 23 1/2 months by the time the trial happens in August.  His mother has consistently been present but just not able to parent these three high needs kids.  She's been inconsistent with her skills and ability to adapt.  But she's still been here.  She didn't stop showing up (except a few times but no one can really blame her), she has tried. Little Man is going to lose his biological family.  The ties that bind them will be severed forever.  This doesn't mean that there will be no more contact, just that it won't be as consistent as it has been.  I'm sad because a mother is recognizing that she cannot provide and is willing to have someone else take on that burden.  I'm sad because Little Man is losing his other...