Fostering The Love In Kansas

This blog post started a lot differently a few days ago. I had some hope that I was going to be making a decision not based on emotion but rather one based on facts only.  But after the last few days, I know that my decision has been based on both emotions and facts. But mostly, it has shown me that my gut needs to be listened to. Lately, it has been hard.  Hell, the last couple of months have been hard.  And it's not because of any one thing.  The biggest thing is that I haven't been able to work a full week of work for MONTHS because of Little Man. Between his therapies, school, and appointments.  But the biggest is the amount of mental strain I've been feeling with him and school. Monday I pulled Little Man from school.  I will not be sending him back. This has been building and building.  Jay and I have talked about what Little Man's future will look like - education-wise - once his adoption is finalized and we've always leaned toward...

I know that the last school year was one of immense trauma and frustration. Not just for Little Man but for his school too.  There was such a lack of knowledge on trauma (and now we know autism) that it caused so much stress for me. But we also were winding down on visits with bio family and so there was a lot of emotions swirling around. I had higher hopes this year because his whole SPED team was new and seems to be much more experienced.  Visits were done, we had a more stable environment outside of school. But the issues with lack of training and knowledge still plague the team. And not to pretend that Little Man is innocent in this, his behaviors have escalated.  His triggers have changed and gotten harder to determine. Not to mention, he could start off having a great day and easily spiral out of control if any part of his day changes. The thing is, we spent the last 3 school years working really hard to get him academically up to par (and excelling in some ar...

With every line item checked off towards adoption, there is a time period that comes afterward that kind of takes away from the glow of checking off an item. Today was SSI.  Kansas Legal Services called today to verify a lot of what I had already provided for Little Man to get SSI.  They were submitting his application for SSI this afternoon.  The woman we worked with stated she has no doubt that Social Security will approve it.   But it will be 4-6 months, most likely before that will happen. Which pushes back some plans I had.  It probably means I'll have to renew my foster license AGAIN.  It means the educational needs of Little Man are going to have to be handled differently than I wanted.  We will continue to have people in our home every month and this dysregulates Little Man every time.   I truly had hoped this would be done by March.  But it's not looking like it. I should be happy that things are going the way ...

Now that we are in the homestretch with the adoption of Little Man and going through the process of getting him set up with SSI and disability services, I get a lot of emails and phone calls.  Most of the time, it's just me being copied on correspondence between agencies. And most of the time, it's stuff over my head but I appreciate being kept in the loop. There has been a lot of terminologies being applied to Little Man. Some of them I have heard before, some are new.  There are some that are not news to me but some that are.  And then there are those that rankle me.  Get my blood boiling. The one that got me this morning was the B word. Little Man was described as being a burden.  He was being approved for services because he was going to be a burden on me and on society. And I saw RED... My child is not a burden.  He will never be a burden.  He's a lot of things but never a burden. He is a blessing .  He made me a mom and learn things ...

This is going to be a long one so settle in with a cup of coffee or something... With every stress comes relief, in some way or another. I'm feeling some relief after the last week. Over 60 days ago, Little Man was put up on my agencies adoption website.  The reason this happens is that he's part of a sibling set.  He's been placed with me for over 3 years and separate from his siblings that whole time.  There were MANY reasons for that but also many reasons why they shouldn't be together and were kept apart. Our state prefers children be kept together.  To the point of removing kids from families that they have been with for years and are more than willing to adopt. Which is what could happen in our case. So they have to advertise the siblings on the website in the hopes that a family (2 parent) will take all 3. September 24th was the last day of Little Man being on the adoption website for 60 days.  I woke up every day with a reminder on my phone how m...

Here is what I have learned from being a foster parent for 900 days: 1. Adding one more makes a HUGE difference. Both good and bad but I’d never change it for the world. 2. March 7-9 we go to trial to finally finish this long run for Little Man. Termination of mom’s rights. Dad relinquished a few weeks ago and we’re hopeful mom will too. If not, we sit through 3 days of testimony on why she should have her rights terminated. This is both heartbreaking and exhilarating for me. She’s losing 3 kids and my heart breaks for that loss but I’m one huge step closer to making Little Man a Kennedy. 3. Changes come slow and changes come fast. But changes always come and celebrating even the small ones is exciting. 4. I am more and more aware of Little Man’s differences and I am also a lot more aware of my limitations. Asking for help is getting loads easier. 5. The mom title is now much more comfortable and deserving. I am so proud to be called mom by some of the best little h...

Today marks me being a foster parent to my Little Man for 2 years. It's hard to believe it's only been 2 years but then also that there is still so much ahead of us. Here is what I have learned being a foster mom for 2 years: 1. The label "mom" was a hard one for me to wear in the beginning because, in my head, I am not a real mom.  But after 2 years, I am Mom.  I wear that label proud.  I announce my label to anyone who listens.  I've worked really hard to have this relationship with Little Man and I am proud of it. I'm thankful that I have been given this opportunity to become the mother I wanted to be; all because of him. 2. Growth is a constant theme for us.  Not only is he growing physically, but his speech, reading, and writing are leaps and bound better than where he was a year ago.  His personality and sense of humor is growing.  And his sense of self is too.  The growth I see in him is amazing. My Little Man 3. I am not pre...