Fostering The Love In Kansas

As Little Man has gotten older, his personality has developed but so has his differences. I don't even know how to explain Little Man to some people so I gave him a label early on. Autism...he's autistic...please be kind to him, he is autistic. It was easier to explain.  And while it wasn't official, it was still a way to explain him to people.  Because I felt like I had to explain him...prepare people for him. It is also used as a warning and I hated that. No one should be warned about Little Man. He doesn't need a warning label but in reality, he does. It helps people feel more comfortable around him because he is different. He makes noises or says things that are different and make people uncomfortable. He repeats things and often times doesn't acknowledge anyone else - he lives in his own world. A few weeks ago we started the process of getting an official autism diagnosis. It's not something I need to know but it is needed for him and his future.  His...

This milestone in my life is not case related.  But is rather one related to the normalcy of life with Little Man. Today, he is graduating kindergarten.  I may have only cried a little bit when I dropped him off and clutched him enough to make him wriggle a bit but totally bawled when I drove away. He repeated kindergarten because he just wasn't ready for 1st grade last year.  He and I worked really hard over the summer in 2016 to get him to a point where he was going into the 2nd round of kindergarten prepared and really where he needed to be. I didn't have to fight hard to get the school to have him repeat kindergarten.  It was the best thing for him. Everyone could see that. So today is a celebration for not only Little Man but his teachers, his special ed teachers, his para's, and his school.  Everyone worked extremely hard to get him to this point. Look at that grin!

I remember when I was in kindergarten, 1st grade and having field day.  The running, potato sack races and tug of war. It was always how you celebrated the end of the school year and you got to be outside rather than in the classroom. This week, Little Man had his field day and I was so lucky to get to attend it.  Now, you all may remember Little Man and soccer.  He was super excited to do it but for only about 20 minutes.  The way the school set it up, the "upper classman" were manning all the stations and each class moved between 10 stations for roughly 2 hours.  As you can imagine, he lasted about 3 stations before he walked over to me and stood there asking to go home. Never mind, he still had the whole 2nd half of the day to do even after all 10 of the stations. I really had to get him back in the group but once he was focused and I started helping him through all of the stations, he had a blast.  And it brought back so many memories for me.  ...

I realize that some days 5-year-olds have rough days.  Today was one of the roughest days so far, for Little Man. He woke up in a good mood, we went to school in a good mood.  For all intents and purposes, I thought he would have a good day - like every other school day. Around noon, I received an email from one of his teachers asking if something had happened over the weekend because he was being very disruptive. When I went to pick him up after school, I was pulled into the school and spoke to both of his teachers. He kicked one teacher, tackled another kid in assembly, yelled throughout the day, had to be removed from the assembly and was pretty much a complete a-hole to everyone around him. I made him apologize to the teacher and then we tried to talk about what happened.  Tried being the operative word. Trying to talk to Little Man is like talking into a canyon and getting your own echo back.  He will repeat the last word or two when you talk to him but ...

So I was recently asked to write an article for a new magazine coming out in 2016 that centers around foster and adoption.  I guess I talk about anger a lot with Little Man, so much so that I was asked to talk about how we deal with anger.   I thought I would give you a small taste of what I wrote.  I've edited out the first part because it's pretty redundant for those of you that have been reading from the beginning. I don’t think any amount of training you get with your foster organization is ever going to be enough to prepare you. I mean, “real moms and dads” don’t have even that amount of training, but the fragile mental and physical condition of our foster kids is not something your average parent has to deal with.  The betrayal, the anger, the fear and the sadness is incredible.  I don’t know what Little Man had to endure in the first 5 years of his life. I know that he is considered the difficult and not normal one by his bio mother...

So, one sign that Little Man is actually quite smart is that he knows his letters, colors, and numbers. He may not be able to sing the alphabet song or spell words out yet, but he definitely knows them. In kindergarten, you need to be able to understand the letter sound and put it with what the letter is.  He didn't know that.  He also couldn't spell basic words or even recognize words. I had bought these letter/picture puzzle pieces before Little Man came to me.  And it was one of the first things he gravitated to. But he never put the pieces together - figuratively and literally.  He loves the pictures and he loves the letters, but he never understood that they went together. Until today...the lightbulb came on and it was awesome!  Since he was home sick today, he spent most of the day taking them apart and putting back together.  We worked on him looking at the first letter on the picture and finding it.  He got so excited and he understood ...

So I was asked by Little Man's teacher to meet with her after school today.  Only 3 days in and I'm being brought in...I honestly had a stabbing moment of fear that I forgotten something in his backpack or had done something wrong...like I was being called into the principle's office. But it turns out that my initial concerns with putting Little Man in kindergarten are confirmed.  After 3 days, his teacher is not sure he's mentally capable of being in kindergarten. He just doesn't understand what is being asked of him in class, he can't comprehend what they are doing.  He just isn't there. He is struggling and it's just stressing him out.  Which I see...he has huge dark circles under his eyes, he's angry and he's tired. My options are now limited.  I've called to ask the principle for a meeting. I have to call the group that does assessments and request them to reassess him rather than go off an old IEP. But since he's 5, it...

I know that people always say that the 2nd day is always the worst after a workout and surgery, etc....well the 2nd day of kindergarten was the worst! This morning, we walked to school and I took him into the gym where breakfast is served.  He took his backpack off, got his milk and then proceeded to try to walk to the front of the line.  He was told to get in line a few times before he finally figured out what they wanted from him.  And when I started to leave I hear "No, Mommy...wait" and he looked so pathetic and sad. I said I had to go to work and that he needed to go to school and eat breakfast.  He kept calling after me "bye mommy" with those puppy dog eyes....he got me the first couple of times and I said bye back but then I realized he was stalling me so I just turned and left.  Man...he knows the buttons. When I got him from school, he was so excited to see me.  Yelled "Mommy" and ran towards me.  I'll admit, my heart leaped when he did ...

I'm coming to realize that the only limitations that Little Man has, are usually ones I envision for him.  I was really concerned about his first day of school.  But he did great.  He got a little overwhelmed when we made it to his classroom and I told him no when he wanted to run over to a bucket of letters.  He started to pout, but I quickly diverted his attention. I left him there and walked home.  I didn't cry (much) after that but I worried all day.  Not because I thought he would be harmed but that he would be too much for them.  I did get an email from his teacher half way through the day and she pretty much told me what I was worried to hear.  He's seriously behind and they are going to have to evaluate how to deal with that. And it's not academically that he's behind but that his motor skills are like a 2-year-old.  He uses his index finger and thumb almost exclusively to eat and pick things up, he doesn't know how to hold a...

Here is what I have learned from being a foster mom for 56 days (8 weeks!!!): 1. While I don't subscribe to the gender roles necessarily, Little Man is a boy through and through. He wants to be dirty, he wants to make lots of noise, and he really has zero issue with putting his fingers in his nose. He's gross and dirty and smelly (oh lord the smells). 2. I struggle with calling myself a Mom and Little Man my son. But the more mom's I talk to make me realize that just becaus e I didn't pop him out doesn't mean I'm not a mom. 3. I found myself standing around last week with a group of mom's and I was a part of this group. I could exchange stories and ask for advice. I'm trying to not cry about this but I have wanted to be a mom for awhile and I am...I'm Little Man's mommy. Thank you, ladies, for that.  4. While I thought it was pretty awesome that he calls me mommy...the best thing was when he told me he loved me without prompting...

I finally got the last 3 years of IEP's from the bio mom for Little Man.  As I read through them, going from when he was 3 years old, all the way up until July of this year...I am very quickly aware that while they were able to pinpoint a lot of his weaknesses and areas that need to be improved on, NOTHING has really been done to help him. The same things they saw at 3 years old, he still has at 5 years old.  So why is that the case?  I know part of it may be because of his home life.  Mom noted in his first IEP at 3 years old that he had a "wandering eye" and would get it looked at, but Little Man still has a lazy eye. They talked about how his vocabulary is many years behind his actual age.  And this is still true. They talked about how his motor skills are poor and need work.  And this is still true. So what has been done to help this little man? And trying to get him enrolled at the local school is going slow because they honestly don't know w...