Fostering The Love In Kansas

This morning started off just like any other day.  I woke up, I got the boys up, I started the process of getting everyone ready and out the door.  Nothing different.  Except Little Man decided to pee on the couch instead of getting up and going to the bathroom. Not the end of the world. It happens to the best of us but this morning it just set off a chain of events in my head that resulted in me putting myself in timeout.  I sent myself to my room, closed the door, and cried a little. After he peed, instead of asking the "why" because I knew the answer would be "I don't know", I sent him to the bathroom and sprayed the couch down.  This isn't the first time someone has peed on the couch. Diapers/pull-ups leak, no one's fault. But this morning, Little Man had already taken his pull-up off and just chose to not get back up and go pee. I gently reminded him he needs to use the toilet and not just pee. I could see him starting to shut down so I left a...

Oye Vey...today was shit.  He went to a visit. It was a short one. I prepped him last night that he was going to go see his siblings and bio mom. He repeatedly said no. I then changed it to just his siblings and he agreed.  Fast forward to this morning and the day started great with snuggles and cartoons and when the driver showed up, I promised him we'd put the Christmas tree up when he got back. He was excited.  Which we did. And took a few pictures outside. Then the shit seemed to explode.  It started with me asking him if he had lunch. In the past, me asking questions about food would shut him down but not recently. It did today and seemed to have triggered something. He went manic.  A lot of old behaviors came back. Anger, my old friend,  showed up and he started yelling and hitting things. All this pent up energy found escape and he broke things. He hasn't had this kind of behavior in a really long time. He hit me, the dog, and him...

So, back in June, I started talking to a gentleman. Usually, for me, talking does not equate dating. Because dating in your 40's and using on-line services usually, equates douche bags. But for some reason, this guy got through the defenses and we've been exclusive for over 4 months now. So this brought about a whole new complexity to being a foster parent. I mean, how do you have a conversation with someone about the fact that "I can go on a date or two with you but I hope you know that eventually, you're going to have to go through a very intrusive background check, along with your kids (all of them)." But he did it.  Everything I've asked him to do, he's done.  Every horror story I've tried to scare him off with has been met with a nod and "OK" And Little Man has been pretty good with it.  We've had some regression on anger and the need for constant attention.  But he also has a new man to look up to.  He's become very op...

For the last year, I have been engaged in this battle with the foster system, with social workers, with bio parent, and with the courts.  I currently am battled out.  I don't want to fight anymore. I just want them to see how wonderful Little Man is and how much better off he is with me. This is neither appropriate nor what may be the truth.  Maybe he is better off with his bio mother.  Everyone deserves a second chance. But my gut is telling me differently and my heart is hurting. Court was on Tuesday and it has been pretty unanimously decided that Little Man will be going home.  While they gave mom 90 days extension, visits will be ramping up and overnights will start.  He is going home to his bio mother. I have 90 days to make him remember how smart he is, how brave he is and how much worth he has. The GAL lied to me and said he was still against it but stood up in court and said that Mom has done everything asked of her and he has no issues w...

Yesterday was court for Little Man. And it was a permanency hearing so I honestly thought we would be moving forward.  Instead....the unthinkable happened. First, I was made to leave the court room because his bio mom's lawyer said I had no right to be there. Then, it when on for over 30 minutes when it has never gone on that long. And the GAL wouldn't tell me much other than we go back in October but that it didn't go well. So, here is what I know.  Mom adamantly denies drinking during any of her pregnancies and demanded to call the doctor that diagnosed 2 of her 3 kids with Fetal Alcohol Syndrom (Little Man is in the process of being diagnosed and even his case manager says "he, definitely, has it"). So the judge has required that mom be allowed to call the doctor and talk to them about it. What wasn't said but is implied is that after October 4th, there is no reason to not send Little Man and his siblings home to her. As a matter of fact, all visits a...

I realize that some days 5-year-olds have rough days.  Today was one of the roughest days so far, for Little Man. He woke up in a good mood, we went to school in a good mood.  For all intents and purposes, I thought he would have a good day - like every other school day. Around noon, I received an email from one of his teachers asking if something had happened over the weekend because he was being very disruptive. When I went to pick him up after school, I was pulled into the school and spoke to both of his teachers. He kicked one teacher, tackled another kid in assembly, yelled throughout the day, had to be removed from the assembly and was pretty much a complete a-hole to everyone around him. I made him apologize to the teacher and then we tried to talk about what happened.  Tried being the operative word. Trying to talk to Little Man is like talking into a canyon and getting your own echo back.  He will repeat the last word or two when you talk to him but ...

Tonight is the first time I have seriously thought about quitting.  I'm afraid this is going to be a long post, so I apologize now. It started bright and early today.  We got up, but I could tell Little Man wasn't ready to be up yet.  It took a couple of attempts to get out of bed but even then he wasn't really awake. Today was picture day at school.  I had his outfit picked out. We had talked about it for a few days, to prepare him for a slight change in the day. We went to brush his teeth and he upended the cup of water in his face and down the front of him.  He wanted to change because he hates being wet but he was just wet, not dirty and I wanted him in the outfit he had on.  Well, that was it...almost like he was spoiling for a fight. An utter and complete meltdown happened.  Screaming, crying, hitting and then he shut down. I picked him up and sat him on the toilet and attempted to put a cold washcloth on his face because he was red an...