How I decided to end my life as I knew it...
I know I never thought about having kids when I was growing up. In my mind, I was just trying to survive pre-teens, teens and early 20's. When I met my husband in 1998, it became clear to me that I wanted a family. Preferably 6 boys that would come home every Christmas with their families and we would have such huge meals and inside jokes and just love....
In 2003, I ended the infertility treatments. In 2005, I had my tubes tied so that the mental anguish of missing even a day/minute/second of my period that ultimately came would subside. In that same year, I told myself and my heart, that I didn't want kids anyway.
In 2007, my marriage ended and so begun my single life. I was living it up and having a blast but still found that I was so empty.
In 2012, I changed everything. I quit a very high paying job, moved over an hour away, I started going to school full-time. All of these things were never something I wanted or needed. But I did them and am in a better place for it.
Around that time, I had come to terms that I wanted kids and a family. This meant, of course, that either I adopt, I find a man that has children and I become a pseudo mom, or I find a really well-to-do guy that wants to try invetro....none of these things were happening. And I was tired of waiting.
So I am making my own family. I started the summer of 2015 with enrolling in classes that would end with me being a foster mom. I moved all my crafting supplies out of my spare room and turned it into a kids room. I am ready. I have made room, I have signed all the forms and passed all the tests.
But am I really ready?
In 2003, I ended the infertility treatments. In 2005, I had my tubes tied so that the mental anguish of missing even a day/minute/second of my period that ultimately came would subside. In that same year, I told myself and my heart, that I didn't want kids anyway.
In 2007, my marriage ended and so begun my single life. I was living it up and having a blast but still found that I was so empty.
In 2012, I changed everything. I quit a very high paying job, moved over an hour away, I started going to school full-time. All of these things were never something I wanted or needed. But I did them and am in a better place for it.
Around that time, I had come to terms that I wanted kids and a family. This meant, of course, that either I adopt, I find a man that has children and I become a pseudo mom, or I find a really well-to-do guy that wants to try invetro....none of these things were happening. And I was tired of waiting.
So I am making my own family. I started the summer of 2015 with enrolling in classes that would end with me being a foster mom. I moved all my crafting supplies out of my spare room and turned it into a kids room. I am ready. I have made room, I have signed all the forms and passed all the tests.
But am I really ready?
Comments
Post a Comment