Fostering The Love In Kansas

Here is what I have learned after being a foster parent for 210 days: 1. To see the change in Little Man, it truly is amazing how much he has grown: physically, emotionally and intellectually. 2. The struggles we seemed to have in the past make me laugh.  The struggles we have now seem so minor and petty.  I find my anger dimming and my ability to breathe through it, much easier. 3. Apparently Little Man has decided to go through the terrible 2's, horrible 3's and surly pre-teens in the last month. I get asked "why?" EVERY.GD.TIME I ask him to do something.  Or I get him dragging his feet if I make him move to a different location than he thinks he needs to be at.  And if that little a-hole didn't roll his eyes at me the other day, it was only because he doesn't have that kind of coordination yet. 4. Little Man has started talking.  Like real conversations.   He told me exactly what he wanted to eat - which he's never done. Just came up to me a...

So, the other night, I seemed to have a minor breakdown.  I would like to chalk this up to being tired or hearing news last night about the possibilities of Little Man's case going to termination but then the possibility of them not allowing the siblings to be split or I'm tired or who knows... I also think that I saw my kiddo through someone else's eyes last night and I realized just how big and mature he's gotten. And it makes me so proud of him.  He is talking.  He is asking questions. He is interacting with people.  It makes me so scared for him to because now, now he can learn to be afraid and hurt and mad. So with all of that in my brain, this popped out of me and I cried.  I'm afraid of the future and I'm afraid of the present because I truly hope that I'm doing right by him. There are some days where I don't get to see him other than to wake him and walk him to school and then push him in the door and to bed. Weekends are precious to me as ...

So, being in this new role means I see the foster system from a different perspective.  I know that I can't talk about my clients or other things I see, while in this role. But what I can say is that I see a side of humanity that distresses me and saddens me.  But I also see all the good work and extraordinary effort parents do to get their kids back. This means that I do see Little Man's bio mother in a different light. This does not mean that I understand her and her actions. I do not understand how she can do the bare minimum.  But I understand her limitations better. I found out that the judge has given bio mom 30 days to do more.  At the end of March, the judge is going to decide if she will move the plan to termination or give only 2 months extension.  This is exciting and terrifying at the same time. Mostly, exciting because it's much sooner than I assumed it would happen (and I did assume it would go to termination and not reintegration). It's...

I took a deep breath and decided to step outside my comfort zone and tried out for a chance to participate in Listen to you Mother .  This is a program that does several different stories written and performed by mothers of any type.  I was not chosen but I thought I would give you all my story.  This is what I gave to the director and I was pretty proud of what I had come up with. I am not a mother I have always had these dreams of having six boys. Ones that came home every Christmas with their families and their kids. I envisioned all these kids, running up and down the staircase, stockings by the fire and Pictionary in the evenings. My boys would be mama’s boys. They love their mom and they love their dad.   We sang in the kitchen.   We had snowball fights in the backyard.   We’d go on small vacations because 6 boys are expensive. But I am not a mother. I will never be a mother. When I found out I couldn't have kids. I told myself that...