Denial
For the last year, I have been engaged in this battle with the foster system, with social workers, with bio parent, and with the courts. I currently am battled out. I don't want to fight anymore. I just want them to see how wonderful Little Man is and how much better off he is with me.
This is neither appropriate nor what may be the truth. Maybe he is better off with his bio mother. Everyone deserves a second chance. But my gut is telling me differently and my heart is hurting.
Court was on Tuesday and it has been pretty unanimously decided that Little Man will be going home. While they gave mom 90 days extension, visits will be ramping up and overnights will start. He is going home to his bio mother. I have 90 days to make him remember how smart he is, how brave he is and how much worth he has.
The GAL lied to me and said he was still against it but stood up in court and said that Mom has done everything asked of her and he has no issues with reunification. I have to wonder if he is mixing up his cases. I feel like the system is flawed. I feel betrayed and let down.
And I don't even know how to start talking to Little Man about this. He's just now starting to understand that he has two families. His therapist has given me some ideas but just reading them makes me want to cry. I know I need to be strong for him to show him that this is a good thing but it's hard when I know deep down inside that it's not a good thing.
So what do I do for the next 90 days to ensure he has a lifetime of love and knowledge? I know that I'm going to give his mother my contact information and will be available 24x7. Because I think she is going to be overwhelmed by having 3 VERY high needs kids back all the time. I think she's going to want to have someone take one of the kids (at least) for extended times. I'm hoping that she'll see me as an ally and instead of beating or neglecting, she'll ask for help.
But my heart hurts. My boy is leaving. The boy that calls me mom. My heart is leaving and I'm afraid I'll never be able to love again.
This is neither appropriate nor what may be the truth. Maybe he is better off with his bio mother. Everyone deserves a second chance. But my gut is telling me differently and my heart is hurting.
Court was on Tuesday and it has been pretty unanimously decided that Little Man will be going home. While they gave mom 90 days extension, visits will be ramping up and overnights will start. He is going home to his bio mother. I have 90 days to make him remember how smart he is, how brave he is and how much worth he has.
The GAL lied to me and said he was still against it but stood up in court and said that Mom has done everything asked of her and he has no issues with reunification. I have to wonder if he is mixing up his cases. I feel like the system is flawed. I feel betrayed and let down.
And I don't even know how to start talking to Little Man about this. He's just now starting to understand that he has two families. His therapist has given me some ideas but just reading them makes me want to cry. I know I need to be strong for him to show him that this is a good thing but it's hard when I know deep down inside that it's not a good thing.
So what do I do for the next 90 days to ensure he has a lifetime of love and knowledge? I know that I'm going to give his mother my contact information and will be available 24x7. Because I think she is going to be overwhelmed by having 3 VERY high needs kids back all the time. I think she's going to want to have someone take one of the kids (at least) for extended times. I'm hoping that she'll see me as an ally and instead of beating or neglecting, she'll ask for help.
But my heart hurts. My boy is leaving. The boy that calls me mom. My heart is leaving and I'm afraid I'll never be able to love again.
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