Lonely Work
This morning started off just like any other day. I woke up, I got the boys up, I started the process of getting everyone ready and out the door. Nothing different. Except Little Man decided to pee on the couch instead of getting up and going to the bathroom.
Not the end of the world. It happens to the best of us but this morning it just set off a chain of events in my head that resulted in me putting myself in timeout. I sent myself to my room, closed the door, and cried a little.
After he peed, instead of asking the "why" because I knew the answer would be "I don't know", I sent him to the bathroom and sprayed the couch down. This isn't the first time someone has peed on the couch. Diapers/pull-ups leak, no one's fault. But this morning, Little Man had already taken his pull-up off and just chose to not get back up and go pee.
I gently reminded him he needs to use the toilet and not just pee. I could see him starting to shut down so I left and started putting together lunches. I came back and he had gotten it into his head he was going to "help" me by taking his meds without me and knocked over the bottle of one of his liquid meds. A very sticky med.
And the last straw was again another attempt to "help" me by getting his clothes pulled from his hanging dresser and managed to pull the whole thing down. Another thing I had to take care of on top of just the general morning routine.
This all just stacked up and I could feel myself getting angry. I know he can't help it sometimes. I know, deep down, he's not doing any of this on purpose or to make my life more difficult. But it does make things harder especially when it's just me. So, instead of taking my frustration out on him, I put myself in a timeout in my room.
And I cried a little. This is hard work. This is lonely work. I have no one to tag team in when I need a break. I also don't see this ending anytime soon. Little Man will learn some things but not everything a person needs to know how to do.
I know things will improve. I know he will make better decisions or slow down in the future. I know he tries hard to be independent but doesn't always look at the big picture and act accordingly. I know none of his actions that result in damage or messes are intentional. But it doesn't always help to know that.
My timeout did not go unnoticed. Both boys definitely knew I was upset and while I needed time alone, they followed me into my room and did their best to console me. I know it's not their intent to make things hard.
They are boys so are dirty and loud and I embrace that normally. Just today was a day I didn't seem to be able to embrace it. And I just wanted to not have to do deal with it. I wanted someone to take over so I could cool down and regroup. I needed that but did not get it. Instead, I swallowed down my anger and sadness and got back to work.
While I am surrounded by people I love, I still feel so lonely sometimes. I know this is what I signed up for. I know that I have the ability to ask for help. But when you're in the trenches, it's so hard to see the other side sometimes. Sometimes, it feels like it's going to be like this forever.
In the long run, peeing on the couch won't kill anyone or end the world. The spilled medicine is unfortunate and I'm going to have to contact the pharmacy and doctor to see about replacing. The clothes will get picked back up and put away. This isn't the end of the world. This is just lonely work.
Not the end of the world. It happens to the best of us but this morning it just set off a chain of events in my head that resulted in me putting myself in timeout. I sent myself to my room, closed the door, and cried a little.
After he peed, instead of asking the "why" because I knew the answer would be "I don't know", I sent him to the bathroom and sprayed the couch down. This isn't the first time someone has peed on the couch. Diapers/pull-ups leak, no one's fault. But this morning, Little Man had already taken his pull-up off and just chose to not get back up and go pee.
I gently reminded him he needs to use the toilet and not just pee. I could see him starting to shut down so I left and started putting together lunches. I came back and he had gotten it into his head he was going to "help" me by taking his meds without me and knocked over the bottle of one of his liquid meds. A very sticky med.
And the last straw was again another attempt to "help" me by getting his clothes pulled from his hanging dresser and managed to pull the whole thing down. Another thing I had to take care of on top of just the general morning routine.
This all just stacked up and I could feel myself getting angry. I know he can't help it sometimes. I know, deep down, he's not doing any of this on purpose or to make my life more difficult. But it does make things harder especially when it's just me. So, instead of taking my frustration out on him, I put myself in a timeout in my room.
And I cried a little. This is hard work. This is lonely work. I have no one to tag team in when I need a break. I also don't see this ending anytime soon. Little Man will learn some things but not everything a person needs to know how to do.
I know things will improve. I know he will make better decisions or slow down in the future. I know he tries hard to be independent but doesn't always look at the big picture and act accordingly. I know none of his actions that result in damage or messes are intentional. But it doesn't always help to know that.
My timeout did not go unnoticed. Both boys definitely knew I was upset and while I needed time alone, they followed me into my room and did their best to console me. I know it's not their intent to make things hard.
They are boys so are dirty and loud and I embrace that normally. Just today was a day I didn't seem to be able to embrace it. And I just wanted to not have to do deal with it. I wanted someone to take over so I could cool down and regroup. I needed that but did not get it. Instead, I swallowed down my anger and sadness and got back to work.
While I am surrounded by people I love, I still feel so lonely sometimes. I know this is what I signed up for. I know that I have the ability to ask for help. But when you're in the trenches, it's so hard to see the other side sometimes. Sometimes, it feels like it's going to be like this forever.
In the long run, peeing on the couch won't kill anyone or end the world. The spilled medicine is unfortunate and I'm going to have to contact the pharmacy and doctor to see about replacing. The clothes will get picked back up and put away. This isn't the end of the world. This is just lonely work.
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