Fostering The Love In Kansas

Part of being a foster parent is knowing that the kids that come into our homes have a base level of trauma.  That's just, out of the gate, trauma due to removal.  But then there comes the trauma with the background a lot of the kids come from.  The domestic violence, substance abuse, neglect, etc - it all causes trauma.  We're warned about this trauma but I know in my case, I was never trained for trauma.  I was never trained for the heartbreak that comes with loving a child with trauma. I was never trained to find the help my kiddos need.  I was never trained on how to parent a child with special needs. I never knew this was what I was signing up for. But the damage is done. I have a child with special needs.  And the damage is already done to him.  The more I learn about him and his disabilities, the more I know I was put in his path so we both would find what we needed. The damage done to my Little Man is not repairable.  These last few months have been ones of ups an

I know that the last school year was one of immense trauma and frustration. Not just for Little Man but for his school too.  There was such a lack of knowledge on trauma (and now we know autism) that it caused so much stress for me. But we also were winding down on visits with bio family and so there was a lot of emotions swirling around. I had higher hopes this year because his whole SPED team was new and seems to be much more experienced.  Visits were done, we had a more stable environment outside of school. But the issues with lack of training and knowledge still plague the team. And not to pretend that Little Man is innocent in this, his behaviors have escalated.  His triggers have changed and gotten harder to determine. Not to mention, he could start off having a great day and easily spiral out of control if any part of his day changes. The thing is, we spent the last 3 school years working really hard to get him academically up to par (and excelling in some areas) that now

With every line item checked off towards adoption, there is a time period that comes afterward that kind of takes away from the glow of checking off an item. Today was SSI.  Kansas Legal Services called today to verify a lot of what I had already provided for Little Man to get SSI.  They were submitting his application for SSI this afternoon.  The woman we worked with stated she has no doubt that Social Security will approve it.   But it will be 4-6 months, most likely before that will happen. Which pushes back some plans I had.  It probably means I'll have to renew my foster license AGAIN.  It means the educational needs of Little Man are going to have to be handled differently than I wanted.  We will continue to have people in our home every month and this dysregulates Little Man every time.   I truly had hoped this would be done by March.  But it's not looking like it. I should be happy that things are going the way they are.  That we're in the home stretch.  Bec

Now that we are in the homestretch with the adoption of Little Man and going through the process of getting him set up with SSI and disability services, I get a lot of emails and phone calls.  Most of the time, it's just me being copied on correspondence between agencies. And most of the time, it's stuff over my head but I appreciate being kept in the loop. There has been a lot of terminologies being applied to Little Man. Some of them I have heard before, some are new.  There are some that are not news to me but some that are.  And then there are those that rankle me.  Get my blood boiling. The one that got me this morning was the B word. Little Man was described as being a burden.  He was being approved for services because he was going to be a burden on me and on society. And I saw RED... My child is not a burden.  He will never be a burden.  He's a lot of things but never a burden. He is a blessing .  He made me a mom and learn things about myself that I never k

This morning started off just like any other day.  I woke up, I got the boys up, I started the process of getting everyone ready and out the door.  Nothing different.  Except Little Man decided to pee on the couch instead of getting up and going to the bathroom. Not the end of the world. It happens to the best of us but this morning it just set off a chain of events in my head that resulted in me putting myself in timeout.  I sent myself to my room, closed the door, and cried a little. After he peed, instead of asking the "why" because I knew the answer would be "I don't know", I sent him to the bathroom and sprayed the couch down.  This isn't the first time someone has peed on the couch. Diapers/pull-ups leak, no one's fault. But this morning, Little Man had already taken his pull-up off and just chose to not get back up and go pee. I gently reminded him he needs to use the toilet and not just pee. I could see him starting to shut down so I left a

Today you are 3. You have developed a sense of humor and self. You are still sassy but you also have bigger emotions. You bring so much joy to all of us Mr. T and I am forever grateful that we found each other. I love you so much and I’m so proud of the little man you are becoming. I can’t remember what our lives were before you. Happy birthday my lil boy!