When do you throw in the towel?
I know that the last school year was one of immense trauma and frustration. Not just for Little Man but for his school too. There was such a lack of knowledge on trauma (and now we know autism) that it caused so much stress for me. But we also were winding down on visits with bio family and so there was a lot of emotions swirling around.
I had higher hopes this year because his whole SPED team was new and seems to be much more experienced. Visits were done, we had a more stable environment outside of school. But the issues with lack of training and knowledge still plague the team.
And not to pretend that Little Man is innocent in this, his behaviors have escalated. His triggers have changed and gotten harder to determine. Not to mention, he could start off having a great day and easily spiral out of control if any part of his day changes.
The thing is, we spent the last 3 school years working really hard to get him academically up to par (and excelling in some areas) that now his behaviors are what is keeping us from having smooth days. And while I'd love to point fingers and blame his school for lack of knowledge or care, it's not that simple with a kiddo who is on the spectrum and FASD.
The daily phone calls have lessened and the lines of communication have definitely improved but we are still left with a lot of dysregulating and no idea why he triggers. Which leads me to ask WHY? Why are they not able to tell me. I fought really hard to get a Functional Behavior Assessment done on him and they came back with a lot of jargon on what his issues were but none of that seems to be what they needed to keep from triggering him.
The last several weeks have resulted in a lot of frustration on my part. I started to do a lot of soul searching and talking with Jay about the future of Little Man and his education. We talked about his ultimate needs vs. the education he would get (or not get) with public schools. Still being in foster care, Little Man is restricted to public or private schools but not homeschooling. And homeschooling is where we are leaning.
But when do you throw in the towel? When do you say, enough is enough and you pull the child from the brick and mortar schooling? Because I feel very strongly about Little Man and his social needs need to be met, but I also feel like I am giving up on holding a public school accountable to his needs. My knee jerk reaction is to just keep him from school and homeschool him once the adoption is finalized. Because I'm tired of having to educate everyone about being on the spectrum and FASD.
But I shouldn't be. I should want to fight for him and I should want him to experience inclusion. He not only needs it but he deserves it. And while the school still struggles to support him and show some grace with it, am I doing a disservice to him by keeping him in a traumatic environment?
My level of frustration has hit a wall and I honestly just want to pull him immediately from school. I have created a home school (non-accredited school) with the state. I have formally requested from his agency and DCF to have him pulled from school. I no longer feel he is getting the best support from his school and I need to reverse some the things that have happened.
But the magnitude of taking on all of that is overwhelming. I will be with him all day, every day. It's what is best for him but it's a lot to juggle along with day-to-day activities and raising a 2nd child. And then working, trying to have a romantic relationship, and maybe some self-care.
But again, it'll be worth it in the long run because Little Man will be in a better place, will be supported and will be loved.
I had higher hopes this year because his whole SPED team was new and seems to be much more experienced. Visits were done, we had a more stable environment outside of school. But the issues with lack of training and knowledge still plague the team.
And not to pretend that Little Man is innocent in this, his behaviors have escalated. His triggers have changed and gotten harder to determine. Not to mention, he could start off having a great day and easily spiral out of control if any part of his day changes.
The thing is, we spent the last 3 school years working really hard to get him academically up to par (and excelling in some areas) that now his behaviors are what is keeping us from having smooth days. And while I'd love to point fingers and blame his school for lack of knowledge or care, it's not that simple with a kiddo who is on the spectrum and FASD.
The daily phone calls have lessened and the lines of communication have definitely improved but we are still left with a lot of dysregulating and no idea why he triggers. Which leads me to ask WHY? Why are they not able to tell me. I fought really hard to get a Functional Behavior Assessment done on him and they came back with a lot of jargon on what his issues were but none of that seems to be what they needed to keep from triggering him.
The last several weeks have resulted in a lot of frustration on my part. I started to do a lot of soul searching and talking with Jay about the future of Little Man and his education. We talked about his ultimate needs vs. the education he would get (or not get) with public schools. Still being in foster care, Little Man is restricted to public or private schools but not homeschooling. And homeschooling is where we are leaning.
But when do you throw in the towel? When do you say, enough is enough and you pull the child from the brick and mortar schooling? Because I feel very strongly about Little Man and his social needs need to be met, but I also feel like I am giving up on holding a public school accountable to his needs. My knee jerk reaction is to just keep him from school and homeschool him once the adoption is finalized. Because I'm tired of having to educate everyone about being on the spectrum and FASD.
But I shouldn't be. I should want to fight for him and I should want him to experience inclusion. He not only needs it but he deserves it. And while the school still struggles to support him and show some grace with it, am I doing a disservice to him by keeping him in a traumatic environment?
My level of frustration has hit a wall and I honestly just want to pull him immediately from school. I have created a home school (non-accredited school) with the state. I have formally requested from his agency and DCF to have him pulled from school. I no longer feel he is getting the best support from his school and I need to reverse some the things that have happened.
But the magnitude of taking on all of that is overwhelming. I will be with him all day, every day. It's what is best for him but it's a lot to juggle along with day-to-day activities and raising a 2nd child. And then working, trying to have a romantic relationship, and maybe some self-care.
But again, it'll be worth it in the long run because Little Man will be in a better place, will be supported and will be loved.
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