Fostering The Love In Kansas

Oye Vey...today was shit.  He went to a visit. It was a short one. I prepped him last night that he was going to go see his siblings and bio mom. He repeatedly said no. I then changed it to just his siblings and he agreed.  Fast forward to this morning and the day started great with snuggles and cartoons and when the driver showed up, I promised him we'd put the Christmas tree up when he got back. He was excited.  Which we did. And took a few pictures outside. Then the shit seemed to explode.  It started with me asking him if he had lunch. In the past, me asking questions about food would shut him down but not recently. It did today and seemed to have triggered something. He went manic.  A lot of old behaviors came back. Anger, my old friend,  showed up and he started yelling and hitting things. All this pent up energy found escape and he broke things. He hasn't had this kind of behavior in a really long time. He hit me, the dog, and him...

Back in October, the permanency hearing was continued another 90 days.  Mostly, because I believe that the agency wanted to give bio mom a chance to get more visits in.   We now have visit's every Saturday.    Some I have to take him to the visit. Meaning, I drive an hour, sit for 6 hours, and then drive an hour home. But the real bummer is that I'm being told that at the hearing in January, it will probably be determined that Little Man will go home.  His GAL completely changed his decision and stated that mom was doing everything asked of her so he was OK with it.  The lawyers are all saying the same thing. The thing is....there is no bond between his mom and him.  I've actually seen her with him.  She will walk the other two to their car and hug and kiss them but doesn't do the same to my guy.  And he sees me at his mom.  She is his siblings mom.  He has been able to articulate that to me.  I'm his mommy.....that's E and...

So I haven't done one of these for awhile, but here is what I've learned from being a foster mom for 444 days. 1. The village constantly changes but the support stays the same. 2. Fears I personally had (spiders) don't matter when your 6-year-old WANTS/NEEDS a tarantula. 3. There are phases that kids go through that make you feel helpless and sad. Others make you feel like pulling your hair out. Little Man and I argued this morning about the year. It was about 5 minutes in when I realized I was arguing with someone who can't put socks on. 4. Self care is important but impossible to achieve. I need a haircut, massage and sleep but it won't happen. 5. Walking Little Man to school is still my favorite thing.

So, back in June, I started talking to a gentleman. Usually, for me, talking does not equate dating. Because dating in your 40's and using on-line services usually, equates douche bags. But for some reason, this guy got through the defenses and we've been exclusive for over 4 months now. So this brought about a whole new complexity to being a foster parent. I mean, how do you have a conversation with someone about the fact that "I can go on a date or two with you but I hope you know that eventually, you're going to have to go through a very intrusive background check, along with your kids (all of them)." But he did it.  Everything I've asked him to do, he's done.  Every horror story I've tried to scare him off with has been met with a nod and "OK" And Little Man has been pretty good with it.  We've had some regression on anger and the need for constant attention.  But he also has a new man to look up to.  He's become very op...