Self Care in a World of Sacrifice
So, I have always wanted a big family. The idea of gobs of kids running around and being noisy and dirty has never repulsed me. I love the idea of taking care of people and especially MY people. My heart actually warms with the thought of big family dinners, noise, mess, and just love. I wanted to be the mother that everyone came over to our house because they would be loved, listened to, and fed. I wanted my kids to be proud of me as their mother and excited to visit with their families.
When I went through the infertility treatments, the thought that I could have multiples with a pregnancy never scared me either because it's my family in one big push. When that didn't happen, I figured fostering was going to feed that need to feed, love, and (s)mother kids.
And it has happened. I love having two boys. I love having three bonus kids with the manfriend. I love working with him and his two teens because I can (s)mother the heck out of them daily!!
But the downside of that is that I tend to ignore my needs and my care. I forget the last time I had an actual haircut that wasn't a trim for $12 at Super Cuts....an actual shampoo, cut and style. The last time I bought makeup was pre-Little Man, and the gray in my hair is getting out of control.
I bought a face wash from Lush a few weeks ago and felt hugely guilty but have been LOVING the feeling it gives my face afterward. I felt guilty because it's an expensive item. When I have diapers and food and clothes to buy, etc....I mean, I need to be the lowest on the list when it comes to handing out things and treats.
The thing is, I'm tired...all the time. I know it's normal to be physically tired after working a full day, wrestling two small boys at night, and still managing to adult (somewhat)....but mentally, I'm tired. I don't wash my face/hair as often as I should, I don't take care of my health so I'm constantly sniffling, and I have headaches almost every day.
What is this teaching my boys? That to sacrifice you to the point of exhaustion and sickness is OK? Because it's not.
I have migraines. What I used to get was almost weekly nauseous inducing and impaired sight. It got better when I quit my job and moved away to a lower stress lifestyle. But I still get them on a fairly regular basis, they just aren't stress related so much as weather related. Barometric pressure wrecks havoc to my head. I've been to doctors, I've tried tons of different meds, and I've even done some holistic things to no avail.
My remedy has been sleeping, caffeine, and just waiting it out. This week, I got a 2-day migraine. That is unusual for me and on top of that, it was one that had me totally impaired - couldn't see out of my right eye, smelling things, and just vomiting due to the pain
This weekend, I'm going to get my dang hair cut. It's been a year or more since I've had it done more than the $12 Super Cuts trim. I'm going to stop sacrificing everything for others because it does nothing to help me in the end with my mission. Which is to be of maximum service to others (especially my foster kiddos!!)
When I went through the infertility treatments, the thought that I could have multiples with a pregnancy never scared me either because it's my family in one big push. When that didn't happen, I figured fostering was going to feed that need to feed, love, and (s)mother kids.
And it has happened. I love having two boys. I love having three bonus kids with the manfriend. I love working with him and his two teens because I can (s)mother the heck out of them daily!!
But the downside of that is that I tend to ignore my needs and my care. I forget the last time I had an actual haircut that wasn't a trim for $12 at Super Cuts....an actual shampoo, cut and style. The last time I bought makeup was pre-Little Man, and the gray in my hair is getting out of control.
I bought a face wash from Lush a few weeks ago and felt hugely guilty but have been LOVING the feeling it gives my face afterward. I felt guilty because it's an expensive item. When I have diapers and food and clothes to buy, etc....I mean, I need to be the lowest on the list when it comes to handing out things and treats.
The thing is, I'm tired...all the time. I know it's normal to be physically tired after working a full day, wrestling two small boys at night, and still managing to adult (somewhat)....but mentally, I'm tired. I don't wash my face/hair as often as I should, I don't take care of my health so I'm constantly sniffling, and I have headaches almost every day.
What is this teaching my boys? That to sacrifice you to the point of exhaustion and sickness is OK? Because it's not.
I have migraines. What I used to get was almost weekly nauseous inducing and impaired sight. It got better when I quit my job and moved away to a lower stress lifestyle. But I still get them on a fairly regular basis, they just aren't stress related so much as weather related. Barometric pressure wrecks havoc to my head. I've been to doctors, I've tried tons of different meds, and I've even done some holistic things to no avail.
My remedy has been sleeping, caffeine, and just waiting it out. This week, I got a 2-day migraine. That is unusual for me and on top of that, it was one that had me totally impaired - couldn't see out of my right eye, smelling things, and just vomiting due to the pain
The 2nd day, I started to come out from under it and was finally hungry. I sat and looked at what I had in the house and ran through all the excuses as to why I didn’t want to cook this or prepare that….and I realized that I had not been taking care of myself. That is what it took for me to realize that I had been doing a huge disservice to myself and the boys.
I regularly "forget" to eat. I will feed the boys, get them settled down for the evening, get them bathed and in bed and by then it's 9 pm and I'm just too tired to eat.
But this afternoon, I was so hungry and I wanted something nice. And honestly, it wouldn't take anything extra for me to spend time preparing something for myself and it would show my boys that their "mom" is taking care of them and herself.
.I regularly "forget" to eat. I will feed the boys, get them settled down for the evening, get them bathed and in bed and by then it's 9 pm and I'm just too tired to eat.
But this afternoon, I was so hungry and I wanted something nice. And honestly, it wouldn't take anything extra for me to spend time preparing something for myself and it would show my boys that their "mom" is taking care of them and herself.
This weekend, I'm going to get my dang hair cut. It's been a year or more since I've had it done more than the $12 Super Cuts trim. I'm going to stop sacrificing everything for others because it does nothing to help me in the end with my mission. Which is to be of maximum service to others (especially my foster kiddos!!)
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