Foster Care Will Wreck You

I've been sitting on this feeling for the last week. I didn't want to verbally vomit all over this blog with what happened last week because I was angry, sad, and downright beaten.

What should be a countdown to termination has become something I had hoped wouldn't happen.

First, I want to say that termination should never be celebrated.  It's a sad eventual outcome that is a blow to any family.  I know that in my instance, Little Man's mom has done all she can do and has come to realize that she just cannot provide for all of her children.  It's a sad time for everyone because she's losing all her kids.  She's losing that tie to her biological children.

I am hoping that she will stay in Little Man's life, if not for her benefit, but for him.

But that all changed last week when we went to pre-trial.  Dad showed up.  He had been released from jail in April.  Had been in prison the whole time Little Man has been in state custody.  He abandoned the family a year prior to that.  So it's been over 3 years since he has seen my Little Man, his namesake (and absolute spitting image).

Pre-trial is usually where the court decides how long the trial will be for termination, who will need to be called to the stand, etc.  Instead, we talked about how Dad needs and wants to be given a chance to be placement for his children.  How he wants a chance to work a case plan and get his kids back.

The problem is, he's a convicted felon and right or wrong, it will be near impossible for him to get a job that will pay him enough to support all three of the kids and him.  Little Man's mom has a very low IQ but his father does not, he just has made poor choices.  With that said, he knows that all three of the children have needs that will require doctor visits, special services, and lots of patience.

Just when I thought this roller coaster ride was just about over for Little Man, it's taken on a whole different track that could easily drag it out another year.  YES - his father deserves a chance just as much as his mother has been given. I'm not debating that.  What I am concerned about is Little Man, himself.  He has never spoken about his father.  When I bring him up, he corrects me and says Papa, which is my father.  To him, my father (his "grandpa") is his father (figure).

When I spoke to his mother about this change, she had concerns that Little Man probably didn't remember his father (he was 4 when he left) and that may be because of some past trauma.

So, while I would never stand in the way of reunification, I can't feel good about this.  But what I can do is work with Little Man's therapist to help start the conversation about his father and how to deal with the inevitable behaviors that are going to happen.  Because my Little Man deserves it.

But I sure wish the outcome had been different.  I won't lie, my hope is to adopt him.  And it may still happen but just not in the timeframe I had hoped for.  If this journey has taught me ANYTHING, it's that I need patience and faith.  I lack both....