What to Do When There is Nothing to Do

So, I'm just going to come right out and say this...I have the patience of a tea bag.  I never have been patient. I have a lot of other skills, patience is not one of them.

Now that Little Man's parents have relinquished, I want everything to move at light speed.  Where is my home study packet?  Who is his adoption worker?  When can we get this ball rolling?

I need to find the calm in this and remember every moment of it but I can't. I want out...I want to be done with fostering.

I've become so jaded lately with the system. I know I shouldn't be. I should be patient and let things work themselves out but I'm totally and officially over it.

I want Mr. T's case to be done and over with. I want to move on and not have a life where I am constantly having to leave work because social workers are coming to the house, or I have to run to visits or court.

I honestly went into fostering thinking I was going to do this for the rest of my life. I wanted to open a home to teens and lots of different kids.  I was naive and innocent.  I started dating the manfriend with the knowledge that I needed to find someone willing to do this with me and see my vision.

What I hadn't planned for was that my vision would change.  That my desire to make a difference would change. I still, very much, want to make a difference.  But I do not feel it will be in the foster care system.  And maybe my mind will change after a while.  Maybe I need time to just be a "normal" parent for a while.

But I'm so over the drama. I'm over the change of plans at the last minute. I'm over having to document everything.  I'm over it.