What to do When Things Get Worse
So it's been 913 days with Little Man. 328 days of those with Mr. T....and while things are definitely WAY better than they had been in the first 9 months, there are still so many new things that have cropped up in our world.
Little Man has had some major behaviors crop up since school started. It's honestly to the point where the school has started calling me almost daily. He's destroyed classrooms. He is hurting other kids and sometimes even teachers.
I had hoped it was just aggression towards Mr. T (not that I want that either) but now it's taken a turn to being angry about everything. As the school year has gone on, he's getting more and more behaviors. I know part of it is starting therapy back up and I truly believe he is reliving things and remembering things that he may not have previously. He has a lot of anger and confusion.
He doesn't understand how to handle those emotions. No one understands how to handle him. Me included. But I can at least reach him when he's in these behaviors when he's checked out or shut down.
We started Ritalin last week. It was honestly the hardest thing I've done with him. I did not want him on meds. I absolutely worked the hardest I have ever worked to keep him off of them. But he needs something. We added additional therapy and now meds.
And I absolutely hate how the meds are making him. His self-confidence is GONE. He needs constant affirmations he's OK, good, loved. He's comatose. He's checked out. Maybe things will improve. But my knee-jerk momma bear reaction is to stop the meds.
And then last night, after a pretty rough weekend, I am laying in bed (at 8:45pm because both boys are in bed and I'm sooooo tired) and I run across this video and I'm in tears and just all up in my feels.
Special Needs Moment No One Talks about
Little Man is not this severe but the similarities and the heartbreak are the same. He may never have a real job. He may never live on his own. And the fact that the best I had hoped for him has changed. I feel like I've given up hope on him but in reality, I've just given up on the idea I had for him. He will have a job. He will be a productive member of society. He just won't be president of the united states. I still hope he finds love and happiness but I'm being realistic and knowing he may never live on his own.
And I mourn for him what "could have been" but that could have been was in my head, not his. So I go on with life and realize that he's happy, he's smart, and he is abundantly loved. And that needs to be enough, for now.
Little Man has had some major behaviors crop up since school started. It's honestly to the point where the school has started calling me almost daily. He's destroyed classrooms. He is hurting other kids and sometimes even teachers.
I had hoped it was just aggression towards Mr. T (not that I want that either) but now it's taken a turn to being angry about everything. As the school year has gone on, he's getting more and more behaviors. I know part of it is starting therapy back up and I truly believe he is reliving things and remembering things that he may not have previously. He has a lot of anger and confusion.
He doesn't understand how to handle those emotions. No one understands how to handle him. Me included. But I can at least reach him when he's in these behaviors when he's checked out or shut down.
We started Ritalin last week. It was honestly the hardest thing I've done with him. I did not want him on meds. I absolutely worked the hardest I have ever worked to keep him off of them. But he needs something. We added additional therapy and now meds.
And I absolutely hate how the meds are making him. His self-confidence is GONE. He needs constant affirmations he's OK, good, loved. He's comatose. He's checked out. Maybe things will improve. But my knee-jerk momma bear reaction is to stop the meds.
And then last night, after a pretty rough weekend, I am laying in bed (at 8:45pm because both boys are in bed and I'm sooooo tired) and I run across this video and I'm in tears and just all up in my feels.
Special Needs Moment No One Talks about
Little Man is not this severe but the similarities and the heartbreak are the same. He may never have a real job. He may never live on his own. And the fact that the best I had hoped for him has changed. I feel like I've given up hope on him but in reality, I've just given up on the idea I had for him. He will have a job. He will be a productive member of society. He just won't be president of the united states. I still hope he finds love and happiness but I'm being realistic and knowing he may never live on his own.
And I mourn for him what "could have been" but that could have been was in my head, not his. So I go on with life and realize that he's happy, he's smart, and he is abundantly loved. And that needs to be enough, for now.
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