Exhaustion
I was 40 when I started this process. I turned 41 6 days after Little Man was dropped off at my door. This year, I turned 44 and let me tell you, being a mother to two young children in my 40’s is no joke.
Parenting, in general, is hard. Parenting children while fostering is uber hard. Parenting and fostering small children in your 40’s takes a lot of determination, commitment, and ibuprofen.
If I stay up past 10pm, I’m guaranteed a bad next day due to exhaustion. And in the last year, my body has decided that I need less and less sleep so my wake up times ranges from 3:30 am to 5:30 am. Incredibly rarely past 6:00 am.
Add to that just the mental exhaustion from the ‘what ifs’ that come with parenting, add a layer of uncertainty with fostering, and then the needs of a kiddo with special needs and I’m an exhausted blob.
Self-care is talked about a lot these days and I’d like to say I’m a big believer in it but my form of self-care waxes and wanes. Sometimes it’s turning off my light within minutes of closing the boy's bedroom door. Sometimes it looks like me playing on my phone when the boys are playing at the park because for one brief minute, I’m not worrying about how Little Man will react to his therapist is in a new office. Sometimes it’s at the bottom of a Ben & Jerry’s ice cream pint.
I do know that I have 15 (plus a few months) years until Mr. T is 18. That’s 15 years of showing up and being on duty 24/7. I need to take better care of myself. So, I’ve started vitamins. I've started watching what I eat. But with my medical history, it's hard to say if I'm going to be the most agile 50+ years old when the boys are teens.
And I'm a big planner so I feel like I need to start planning for the breakdown of my body now. What will I do with Little Man when I can't restrain him when he has a tantrum? Or how will I break them up when the boys fight? These are all things I lose sleep about. That and more.
So my idea is to start taking better care of myself, physically. I've joined a group of ladies that are doing an online food journalling and support group. I need to focus on making better decisions so that it helps me in the future. Soda has been cut out of my diet and that's going to just have to be enough to jump start this.
The manfriend and I have talked long and hard about our future with the boys. His children are, for all intents and purposes, grown. He hadn't planned on having another set of kids to raise. But we're here and now he does. So we both know it's going to mean making some changes to our diets and lifestyles. And I know we're both committed to making those changes.
It comes with a price but it's worth paying.
Parenting, in general, is hard. Parenting children while fostering is uber hard. Parenting and fostering small children in your 40’s takes a lot of determination, commitment, and ibuprofen.
If I stay up past 10pm, I’m guaranteed a bad next day due to exhaustion. And in the last year, my body has decided that I need less and less sleep so my wake up times ranges from 3:30 am to 5:30 am. Incredibly rarely past 6:00 am.
Add to that just the mental exhaustion from the ‘what ifs’ that come with parenting, add a layer of uncertainty with fostering, and then the needs of a kiddo with special needs and I’m an exhausted blob.
Self-care is talked about a lot these days and I’d like to say I’m a big believer in it but my form of self-care waxes and wanes. Sometimes it’s turning off my light within minutes of closing the boy's bedroom door. Sometimes it looks like me playing on my phone when the boys are playing at the park because for one brief minute, I’m not worrying about how Little Man will react to his therapist is in a new office. Sometimes it’s at the bottom of a Ben & Jerry’s ice cream pint.
I do know that I have 15 (plus a few months) years until Mr. T is 18. That’s 15 years of showing up and being on duty 24/7. I need to take better care of myself. So, I’ve started vitamins. I've started watching what I eat. But with my medical history, it's hard to say if I'm going to be the most agile 50+ years old when the boys are teens.
And I'm a big planner so I feel like I need to start planning for the breakdown of my body now. What will I do with Little Man when I can't restrain him when he has a tantrum? Or how will I break them up when the boys fight? These are all things I lose sleep about. That and more.
So my idea is to start taking better care of myself, physically. I've joined a group of ladies that are doing an online food journalling and support group. I need to focus on making better decisions so that it helps me in the future. Soda has been cut out of my diet and that's going to just have to be enough to jump start this.
The manfriend and I have talked long and hard about our future with the boys. His children are, for all intents and purposes, grown. He hadn't planned on having another set of kids to raise. But we're here and now he does. So we both know it's going to mean making some changes to our diets and lifestyles. And I know we're both committed to making those changes.
It comes with a price but it's worth paying.
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