We move ahead
This is going to be a long one so settle in with a cup of coffee or something...
With every stress comes relief, in some way or another. I'm feeling some relief after the last week.
Over 60 days ago, Little Man was put up on my agencies adoption website. The reason this happens is that he's part of a sibling set. He's been placed with me for over 3 years and separate from his siblings that whole time. There were MANY reasons for that but also many reasons why they shouldn't be together and were kept apart.
Our state prefers children be kept together. To the point of removing kids from families that they have been with for years and are more than willing to adopt. Which is what could happen in our case. So they have to advertise the siblings on the website in the hopes that a family (2 parent) will take all 3.
September 24th was the last day of Little Man being on the adoption website for 60 days. I woke up every day with a reminder on my phone how many days were left until the 60 were up. On the 18th of September, I was informed that there were AT LEAST 2 families interested in getting more information on Little Man and his two siblings.
Now, I want to clarify something here...when in foster care, reunification is ALWAYS the goal. And we worked that for almost 3 years before it ended. But Little Man is up for adoption now and there is no reunification. There are siblings though and that adds a layer of complexity.
While there were several families interested in the siblings and Little Man, it looks as though no one is interested in moving forward with starting the adoption process. I think the fact that all 3 have diagnoses (big ones) and some major behaviors when together were enough to scare them off. I also believe the social worker told them that it was not in the best interest of the kids to be placed together and all three are in homes that want to adopt them. I have to believe no family wants to break up another family.
So where does that leave us? I have been dutifully sending in all my paperwork as they send it to me to start the adoption process. I was introduced to the person who will do my home study. Progress is happening.
Timeline-wise - we're looking at a meeting with DCF to happen on the 16th of October. In this meeting, the foster agency will request the siblings be split so the adoptions can happen. This is typically hard to get but I feel a bit more confident because I found out that Little Man's therapist (both of them), the sibling's therapist (both of them), the judge from the case and the GAL ALL recommend splitting them. This does not happen often so I'm feeling a bit better about the split being approved.
I know that splitting siblings is frowned upon by a lot of people. I get it, I truly do. I'd like to think that our circumstance is justified and in my head/heart, it is. But most may not see it that way. All I know is that I cannot care of Little Man and his siblings, the other foster family cannot care for his siblings and Little Man. We have regulated these kids to the point of them being productive and lessening their behaviors. It's a good balance and for us, that's enough. We still see the siblings. We'll continue to make trips over to Kansas City to see them. We'll make the effort.
After the split is approved, it then goes to a Best Interest Staffing (BIS) where DCF will decide who should adopt the kids. If I'm the only one and the other foster parents are the only one - it should be quick and simple.
And then it's just paperwork, subsidy negotiation, and court. I'm hoping, by this time next year, both adoptions will be done.
Both, you say??? Yes, today (supposedly) they are starting the termination process on Mr. T's mom. And further, from that, it's thought that she'll relinquish so he'll move to adoption also and all the stuff I'm doing for Little Man will be covering Mr. T too.
Which I also have a lot of mixed feelings on but overall, I'm done. I'm done with my agency, I'm done with DCF, I'm done with social workers being in my house once a month or more. I'm just done. I want to raise my boys and live life like a normal person.
So, with all that information I've thrown at you, do you have questions for me? I know a lot of people are following our journey so I know a lot of you are invested in us - which I appreciate more than I can ever explain. Send me an email if you'd like - shankennedy@gmail.com
With every stress comes relief, in some way or another. I'm feeling some relief after the last week.
Over 60 days ago, Little Man was put up on my agencies adoption website. The reason this happens is that he's part of a sibling set. He's been placed with me for over 3 years and separate from his siblings that whole time. There were MANY reasons for that but also many reasons why they shouldn't be together and were kept apart.
Our state prefers children be kept together. To the point of removing kids from families that they have been with for years and are more than willing to adopt. Which is what could happen in our case. So they have to advertise the siblings on the website in the hopes that a family (2 parent) will take all 3.
September 24th was the last day of Little Man being on the adoption website for 60 days. I woke up every day with a reminder on my phone how many days were left until the 60 were up. On the 18th of September, I was informed that there were AT LEAST 2 families interested in getting more information on Little Man and his two siblings.
Now, I want to clarify something here...when in foster care, reunification is ALWAYS the goal. And we worked that for almost 3 years before it ended. But Little Man is up for adoption now and there is no reunification. There are siblings though and that adds a layer of complexity.
While there were several families interested in the siblings and Little Man, it looks as though no one is interested in moving forward with starting the adoption process. I think the fact that all 3 have diagnoses (big ones) and some major behaviors when together were enough to scare them off. I also believe the social worker told them that it was not in the best interest of the kids to be placed together and all three are in homes that want to adopt them. I have to believe no family wants to break up another family.
So where does that leave us? I have been dutifully sending in all my paperwork as they send it to me to start the adoption process. I was introduced to the person who will do my home study. Progress is happening.
Timeline-wise - we're looking at a meeting with DCF to happen on the 16th of October. In this meeting, the foster agency will request the siblings be split so the adoptions can happen. This is typically hard to get but I feel a bit more confident because I found out that Little Man's therapist (both of them), the sibling's therapist (both of them), the judge from the case and the GAL ALL recommend splitting them. This does not happen often so I'm feeling a bit better about the split being approved.
I know that splitting siblings is frowned upon by a lot of people. I get it, I truly do. I'd like to think that our circumstance is justified and in my head/heart, it is. But most may not see it that way. All I know is that I cannot care of Little Man and his siblings, the other foster family cannot care for his siblings and Little Man. We have regulated these kids to the point of them being productive and lessening their behaviors. It's a good balance and for us, that's enough. We still see the siblings. We'll continue to make trips over to Kansas City to see them. We'll make the effort.
After the split is approved, it then goes to a Best Interest Staffing (BIS) where DCF will decide who should adopt the kids. If I'm the only one and the other foster parents are the only one - it should be quick and simple.
And then it's just paperwork, subsidy negotiation, and court. I'm hoping, by this time next year, both adoptions will be done.
Both, you say??? Yes, today (supposedly) they are starting the termination process on Mr. T's mom. And further, from that, it's thought that she'll relinquish so he'll move to adoption also and all the stuff I'm doing for Little Man will be covering Mr. T too.
Which I also have a lot of mixed feelings on but overall, I'm done. I'm done with my agency, I'm done with DCF, I'm done with social workers being in my house once a month or more. I'm just done. I want to raise my boys and live life like a normal person.
So, with all that information I've thrown at you, do you have questions for me? I know a lot of people are following our journey so I know a lot of you are invested in us - which I appreciate more than I can ever explain. Send me an email if you'd like - shankennedy@gmail.com
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