Home Study
Today kicks off the beginning of my home study. I am both excited and terrified. Terrified because I really don't know what to expect but also because it's getting real.
Don't get me wrong, this is what I want. It's always been my hope to adopt from foster care. Little Man is my everything. Mr. T is my bonus child that I never thought I'd have but have been incredibly blessed to get. I want this.
But it's getting real. I won't have a semi-safety net to cover me if something happens. It's going to be on me. This is absolutely what I want. But the brevity of the situation is what keeps me up at night.
The biggest question I was asked and I was not prepared for is: "who will Little Man go to if something happens to you?"
Who will take Little Man if I die? What a huge question. And I have no answer to that. I mean, there are so many people that have followed our journey and have been supportive but can I ask any of them to take on Little Man?
And I know, those that have children from the birth deal with this but also have more time to think about it. Or so it feels. I think it's something that comes with pregnancy - you plan for these things. I hadn't prepared for this. I hadn't prepared for any of this.
On top of this, I have a special needs kiddo. Can I ask someone else to take on Little Man when they don't know exactly what he'll need? I've sheltered him and others from his needs and is it fair to ask someone to take that on? Can I ask that of just anyone?
So, on top of the responsibility of making decisions for this young man, I have to decide who is best equipped to take on that responsibility should something happen to me. It's daunting. And scary. Not just anyone deserves my boy. Not just anyone is equipped to handle him. Who knows his quirks? How he responds to certain questions vs. tones?
I want so much for this boy and I desperately hope that nothing happens to me so I don't have to worry about how he's going to adjust to not having his person anymore. Because I am his person. I'm his safety net.
So, I have a lot of soul searching to do. I have a lot of talking to do with those in my life to see their comfort level. And this means I have to open up to others about him and his needs so that they are aware of his issues and are a part of his life from the beginning so it's not a surprise should something happen to me.
Don't get me wrong, this is what I want. It's always been my hope to adopt from foster care. Little Man is my everything. Mr. T is my bonus child that I never thought I'd have but have been incredibly blessed to get. I want this.
But it's getting real. I won't have a semi-safety net to cover me if something happens. It's going to be on me. This is absolutely what I want. But the brevity of the situation is what keeps me up at night.
Who will take Little Man if I die? What a huge question. And I have no answer to that. I mean, there are so many people that have followed our journey and have been supportive but can I ask any of them to take on Little Man?
And I know, those that have children from the birth deal with this but also have more time to think about it. Or so it feels. I think it's something that comes with pregnancy - you plan for these things. I hadn't prepared for this. I hadn't prepared for any of this.
On top of this, I have a special needs kiddo. Can I ask someone else to take on Little Man when they don't know exactly what he'll need? I've sheltered him and others from his needs and is it fair to ask someone to take that on? Can I ask that of just anyone?
So, on top of the responsibility of making decisions for this young man, I have to decide who is best equipped to take on that responsibility should something happen to me. It's daunting. And scary. Not just anyone deserves my boy. Not just anyone is equipped to handle him. Who knows his quirks? How he responds to certain questions vs. tones?
I want so much for this boy and I desperately hope that nothing happens to me so I don't have to worry about how he's going to adjust to not having his person anymore. Because I am his person. I'm his safety net.
So, I have a lot of soul searching to do. I have a lot of talking to do with those in my life to see their comfort level. And this means I have to open up to others about him and his needs so that they are aware of his issues and are a part of his life from the beginning so it's not a surprise should something happen to me.
I am incredibly proud of your realistic, sensible look at your life and that of your gonna be children.
ReplyDeleteBeing the parent of a special needs child adds tremendous levels of concern. Dick's parents chose to never really look at what would happen to his brother, Bruce, when they were gone. All they seemed to think was necessary was to leave some money to use for his physical care needs. They were never realistic about exactly what would be appropriate now and in the future, how to meet those needs and who would meet those needs when they couldn't. The expectation was that Dick would take care of all that. Unfortunately, Dick has not been alive to do that as Bruce has aged and his health deteriorates and the job has fallen to me. My expectations for Bruce have always been are much higher than his parents were and it's hard for me sometimes to deal with issues that perhaps been easier for Bruce to deal with if some ground work for self care and awareness for him had been established when he was younger.
You are a Rock Star, my Dear!
You will make informed, thoughtful, compassionate decisions.
Love You!!
It takes a courageous, brave and compassionate person to do what you are doing.