Fostering The Love In Kansas

Growth is normal in everything.  I know my knowledge grows constantly, along with my waistline and love of salty foods. With Little Man, the growth is hard to measure sometimes.  I see where he has grown physically. Growth is still growth That's 4 inches in 18 months.  So there is growth with him.  I see that physically. What can't be seen physically is the emotional and intellectual growth that I see in him all the time.  No exaggeration, it's daily.  His list of likes and dislikes grows.  His vocabulary is growing.  His attitude is growing. And just when I think we take some steps back in behaviors, he has a day where he opens doors for people, he says Please and Thank You, and he says he loves me every chance he gets.  This, by far, out weighs the days he is loud, out of control, and downright angry.  Those days I don't see the growth. I also know that my love for him grows by leaps and bounds daily.  I...

Here is what I have learned from being a foster mom for 575 days (roughly 19 months): Boys bring farts, boogers, and indescribable smells. And I wouldn't want it any other way. I've decided I'm a boy mom. I used to shy away from being called a mom because I didn't feel like a true mom. And while that still nags at the back of my mind, I am a mom to this boy who won't stop calling me mom! I don't remember a time where I wasn't thinking about Little Man. His smells (when he's clean he smells like maple syrup), the sound of his laugh, the way he walks, and the way he snuggles with me every morning. I have come to realize that I NEED to be a mother. I cannot be childless in the future. My overprotectiveness of Little Man MAY be a tad overbearing and I need to let him make mistakes. In other words, I need to learn to chill out on these kindergarten girls that think they know my kiddo and can boss him around.

I've been looking forward to this week.  Mostly because I signed Little Man up for camp at our local zoo.  The same zoo we go to almost every weekend in the summer and he's almost on first name basis with most of the staff because he's got some kind of power over people. I'm not sure they are ready for him, though. I mean, he won't be difficult(ish). It's just that he feels things need to be done in a certain timeframe, way, and with a certain attention to detail.  My biggest example is how he likes to tell me how I'm driving the wrong way to our destination like he's driven it a million times. But, I'm also afraid it won't keep his attention long enough and he'll get bored which also equals him getting in trouble.  I know they are prepared for kids and behaviors but I worry. Of course, this morning was like every other morning where I have to bribe, beg, and then finally physically remove him from bed...but the difference was that I ac...

So, I realized that most of my posts have been kind of downers and I don't really talk about the "normal" things...and when I say normal, I guess for me.  Because I've never had kids, nothing is "normal" but I tend to think the days he eats his own boogers and poops on his own are kinda normal. But the thing with Little Man is that while he is chronologically 6, he's closer to 4 mentally and socially.  But I believe he's catching up. So much so that I feel like I'm going through some terrible two's and three's...not to mention fournager years too.  He's sassy, he's opinionated, and he's LOUD. Part of it is because he's socially aware. He sees other kids acting out and saying things and gets bold.  If he had better control of his eyes, he would be constantly rolling them at me. As it is, he briefly shuts them, as though saying "mother, this pains me as to how dense you are"... And don't even get me sta...

Back in October, it was determined that permanency was going to be extended until January.  It's now a little less than a month until then and what I had assumed was going to happen has not. When I worked at the agency, I knew what I would have done as the worker to make sure Little Man went home as close to the court date in January (within means and barring any issues). His social worker was chastised for not being consistent with transportation and visits.  So, naturally I assumed visits would happen more frequently and over Christmas break, we would start overnights. Visits started more frequently but are less consistent than before.  He hasn't seen his siblings or mother in a month. Most of the visits were the ones I would drive him there and back because his worker would forget to put in transport. Last visit was supposed to be a long one but the worker decided to change it to a short one because she messed up transport again. That was the last one we had....

Oye Vey...today was shit.  He went to a visit. It was a short one. I prepped him last night that he was going to go see his siblings and bio mom. He repeatedly said no. I then changed it to just his siblings and he agreed.  Fast forward to this morning and the day started great with snuggles and cartoons and when the driver showed up, I promised him we'd put the Christmas tree up when he got back. He was excited.  Which we did. And took a few pictures outside. Then the shit seemed to explode.  It started with me asking him if he had lunch. In the past, me asking questions about food would shut him down but not recently. It did today and seemed to have triggered something. He went manic.  A lot of old behaviors came back. Anger, my old friend,  showed up and he started yelling and hitting things. All this pent up energy found escape and he broke things. He hasn't had this kind of behavior in a really long time. He hit me, the dog, and him...

Back in October, the permanency hearing was continued another 90 days.  Mostly, because I believe that the agency wanted to give bio mom a chance to get more visits in.   We now have visit's every Saturday.    Some I have to take him to the visit. Meaning, I drive an hour, sit for 6 hours, and then drive an hour home. But the real bummer is that I'm being told that at the hearing in January, it will probably be determined that Little Man will go home.  His GAL completely changed his decision and stated that mom was doing everything asked of her so he was OK with it.  The lawyers are all saying the same thing. The thing is....there is no bond between his mom and him.  I've actually seen her with him.  She will walk the other two to their car and hug and kiss them but doesn't do the same to my guy.  And he sees me at his mom.  She is his siblings mom.  He has been able to articulate that to me.  I'm his mommy.....that's E and...