Fostering The Love In Kansas

3 years ago today, you were brought to my house. You were so tiny. You didn’t talk and you were so scared.  Your diaper was so full, it was running down your legs.  You screamed bloody murder when I tried to put you in a bath.  You were 5.  __________________________________ You are now 8. You are so smart. You love to play on your iPad. You love your grandparents and I suspect you love Mr. T. You love Hotwheels, Nutty Buddy's, and still love letters. You are taking baths on your own and I can't keep you out of the water. You have learned so much and are reading 2 levels above where you should be. ______________________________________ Even before you got out of the car, I knew you. I knew I was going to love you so much.  What I didn’t know was how much I was willing to sacrifice. How much I still had to learn about strength. And how much my capacity to love a person hadn’t even scratched the surface.  Thank you for making...

Mr. T has been with us a year now.   I can't even begin to tell you how much he has grown in that time.  How much we have all grown in this year. Little Man has had some growing pains with having to learn to share, be kind and set a good example.  But I've noticed lately that the way he interacts with Mr. T has changed and it's been such a wonderful sight to see (and hear). Mr. T has grown by learning to use words, walking, showing us how to laugh at everything, and being a complete joy to watch interact with the world.  We're working on potty training and speech.   I will admit that I really held myself back from fully falling for him. I truly believe that reunification, when appropriate, works.  And I had a lot of hope that he would go home.  His momma truly does love him.  She just struggles to get her life in a place where the two of them (and even all the other children she has had removed) with her. ...

So, I'm just going to come right out and say this...I have the patience of a tea bag.  I never have been patient. I have a lot of other skills, patience is not one of them. Now that Little Man's parents have relinquished, I want everything to move at light speed.  Where is my home study packet?  Who is his adoption worker?  When can we get this ball rolling? I need to find the calm in this and remember every moment of it but I can't. I want out...I want to be done with fostering. I've become so jaded lately with the system. I know I shouldn't be. I should be patient and let things work themselves out but I'm totally and officially over it. I want Mr. T's case to be done and over with. I want to move on and not have a life where I am constantly having to leave work because social workers are coming to the house, or I have to run to visits or court. I honestly went into fostering thinking I was going to do this for the rest of my life. I wanted ...

So it's been 913 days with Little Man.  328 days of those with Mr. T....and while things are definitely WAY better than they had been in the first 9 months, there are still so many new things that have cropped up in our world. Little Man has had some major behaviors crop up since school started. It's honestly to the point where the school has started calling me almost daily.  He's destroyed classrooms.  He is hurting other kids and sometimes even teachers. I had hoped it was just aggression towards Mr. T (not that I want that either) but now it's taken a turn to being angry about everything.  As the school year has gone on, he's getting more and more behaviors.  I know part of it is starting therapy back up and I truly believe he is reliving things and remembering things that he may not have previously.  He has a lot of anger and confusion. He doesn't understand how to handle those emotions. No one understands how to handle him.  Me included. But...

I got a call on Monday that Little Man's mom had relinquished rights.  Just. Like. That.   We were going to TPR next week.  She had been saying for a year that she would never relinquish - they were going to have to pry those kids out of her hands through trial.  And she relinquished.  I was stunned.  Because mom has always stuck to her guns and been stubborn about things. I did not expect this.  I sat on that news for about 5 seconds and then started calling anyone and everyone. We are moving to adoption .... I lived in this blissful world where adoption is within my grasp for about 2 hours....and then my worker called me and informed me of all the hoops she feels I'm going to have to jump through as a way to prepare me. Siblings, in our state, are very hard to split through adoption.  My agency is already putting in a request to find an adoptive resource for all three.  So they won't have to split them.  Nevermind th...

It's definitely not the time to start celebrating but things are starting to wind down in the case of Little Man.  His dad relinquished his rights several weeks ago.  I'm both happy and sad about this. Sad because he didn't even try to work the case.  He didn't ask to be in contact in the future. He just walked away.  He genuinely showed no interest in his kids. But I also see the happiness in this because IF he hadn't, we would have had the case drug out for another year.  Little Man would have so much more trauma around his father.  There would have been more behaviors and therapy needed.  I also see that his father knew he could never provide for the three kids.  He has 3 felonies, he was getting clean, and he was in a treatment facility.  He recognized that it was in the kids best interest.  So I respect that. Little Man's mom is refusing to relinquish.  She wants the court to work for the removal of her rights. ...

Here is what I have learned from being a foster parent for 900 days: 1. Adding one more makes a HUGE difference. Both good and bad but I’d never change it for the world. 2. March 7-9 we go to trial to finally finish this long run for Little Man. Termination of mom’s rights. Dad relinquished a few weeks ago and we’re hopeful mom will too. If not, we sit through 3 days of testimony on why she should have her rights terminated. This is both heartbreaking and exhilarating for me. She’s losing 3 kids and my heart breaks for that loss but I’m one huge step closer to making Little Man a Kennedy. 3. Changes come slow and changes come fast. But changes always come and celebrating even the small ones is exciting. 4. I am more and more aware of Little Man’s differences and I am also a lot more aware of my limitations. Asking for help is getting loads easier. 5. The mom title is now much more comfortable and deserving. I am so proud to be called mom by some of the best little h...