Fostering The Love In Kansas

Today you are 3. You have developed a sense of humor and self. You are still sassy but you also have bigger emotions. You bring so much joy to all of us Mr. T and I am forever grateful that we found each other. I love you so much and I’m so proud of the little man you are becoming. I can’t remember what our lives were before you. Happy birthday my lil boy!

1,200 days... 28,800 hours... 1,728,000 minutes... That is how long Little Man has been in my life.  And my life has changed in more than 2 million ways. That's 1,200 days that his life has been in my hands and honestly, mine has been in his.  In those 1,200 days here is what I have learned about being a mom. 1. I am no longer calling myself his "foster" mom but rather just mom and that has been the most emotional change in my life.  I see myself as his mom, he is my son. 2.  The amount of times people have told me how much they are amazed of the changes in Little Man in even the last 6 months proves that we are doing something right, even when it's exhausting, repetitive, and doesn't seem to be working. 3. The village needs to get bigger. In order to provide more support to myself, Jay, and to Little Man, I need to ask for more help. I have done a disservice to Little Man and others by sheltering him and others from his differences and because of that...

Celebrating Thanksgiving is always the time to reflect on all the things in our lives we're grateful for. Being a parent, there is always something we're grateful for. Our kids, their health, our health(ish), the love we have in our lives. But what I never thought about being grateful for was the "YES". I've always been someone that makes changes quickly. I make decisions quickly and sometimes even without much thought. But when it comes to big, life-changing, decisions I agonize over them, ask everyone their opinion, agonize some more, etc. But ultimately, I already knew what the answer was - deep down in my gut. The idea to start fostering came to me one day and it wasn't even discussed with anyone. I reached out to our local agency and asked for information. I said YES the minute they asked if I wanted to attend classes. No hesitation. When I started fostering, my plan was always to get an older child. I didn’t want a baby. I didn’t want diaper...

As Little Man has gotten older, his personality has developed but so has his differences. I don't even know how to explain Little Man to some people so I gave him a label early on. Autism...he's autistic...please be kind to him, he is autistic. It was easier to explain.  And while it wasn't official, it was still a way to explain him to people.  Because I felt like I had to explain him...prepare people for him. It is also used as a warning and I hated that. No one should be warned about Little Man. He doesn't need a warning label but in reality, he does. It helps people feel more comfortable around him because he is different. He makes noises or says things that are different and make people uncomfortable. He repeats things and often times doesn't acknowledge anyone else - he lives in his own world. A few weeks ago we started the process of getting an official autism diagnosis. It's not something I need to know but it is needed for him and his future.  His...

Approval is a funny thing.  I don't want to think I need anyone's approval to live my life but in the foster world, approval is everything. And in adoption, there are so many things that require approval that day to day life is never normal. Approval for taking him out of state, approval to enroll him in sports, approval to get him on meds. In adoption, approval is everything.  We have to do a home study, negotiate subsidies, get approval and then start legal proceedings. In my state, adoptive resources have to go through a BIS (Best Interest Staffing) with the agency and DCF in order to be approved to adopt the child.  They look over the facts of the case, the length of time the child has been in placement, the needs of the child, and the overall stability of the adoptive resource. Today I was informed today that I was approved to adopt Little Man.  Little Man is going to be mine. We are getting closer and closer...

I was 40 when I started this process. I turned 41 6 days after Little Man was dropped off at my door. This year, I turned 44 and let me tell you, being a mother to two young children in my 40’s is no joke. Parenting, in general, is hard. Parenting children while fostering is uber hard. Parenting and fostering small children in your 40’s takes a lot of determination, commitment, and ibuprofen. If I stay up past 10pm, I’m guaranteed a bad next day due to exhaustion. And in the last year, my body has decided that I need less and less sleep so my wake up times ranges from 3:30 am to 5:30 am. Incredibly rarely past 6:00 am. Add to that just the mental exhaustion from the ‘what ifs’ that come with parenting, add a layer of uncertainty with fostering, and then the needs of a kiddo with special needs and I’m an exhausted blob. Self-care is talked about a lot these days and I’d like to say I’m a big believer in it but my form of self-care waxes and wanes. Sometimes it’s turning off my l...

Today kicks off the beginning of my home study. I am both excited and terrified. Terrified because I really don't know what to expect but also because it's getting real. Don't get me wrong, this is what I want. It's always been my hope to adopt from foster care.  Little Man is my everything.  Mr. T is my bonus child that I never thought I'd have but have been incredibly blessed to get. I want this. But it's getting real. I won't have a semi-safety net to cover me if something happens. It's going to be on me. This is absolutely what I want.  But the brevity of the situation is what keeps me up at night. The biggest question I was asked and I was not prepared for is: "who will Little Man go to if something happens to you?" Who will take Little Man if I die?  What a huge question.  And I have no answer to that. I mean, there are so many people that have followed our journey and have been supportive but can I ask any of them to take on...