Fostering The Love In Kansas

I have been a foster parent to Little Man for one year today.  Here is what I have learned being a foster parent for 365 days. 1. This will never get easier but it is worth it. 2. Life changes when you assume it's going to be just you and this other little person. Enjoy it and embrace it. Because I need others and change is good. And having someone looking after me is kind of nice. 3. Denial is how I am operating now but I also know that I need to face the chances of Little Man going back to his bio mother.  So I know I need help, professionally.  Getting someone to talk with and work through issues is important to my mental well-being. I shouldn't count on things just "working out" nor should I depend on my friends and family getting me through things. 4. Changes in Little Man come and go but when there are changes, they are HUGE.  The amount of vocabulary he has now, compared to a year ago (or even a month ago) is astounding.  His need to know things g...

So through this whole process, I've kind of always villanized the people that had Little Man's siblings.  They were kin to the kids (albeit distant) but didn't want my guy.  No one wanted him. Fast forward 353 days and those siblings are no longer with kin because they are so high needs.  And yet, Little Man has improved and grown....anywhoooooo So, the family that had his siblings and I have started talking a few months ago. Just before they had his siblings removed.  And I can honestly say that we are all on the same page about the bio parents not being able to handle all three kids.  And I learned a lot about the family, as a whole.  I no longer wish them ill will but I'm still very hesitant around sharing things with them.  Especially now that they no longer have a dog in this fight. Last night, I spoke with the father and we talked about some issues he's run into. He seems to have decided his goal in life is to destroy Little Man's mom ...

I saw his diagnosis instead of his face today I saw the way that he couldn't focus, I saw the way that he was out of control, I saw how he flitted from subject to subject. I didn't see my handsome little man. I didn't see the way he saw things in a light that I will never see them. I didn't see his laughter, his joy, his happiness. I saw him being a nuisance. I saw him making a spectacle of himself. I saw the embarrassment that other had for us. I'm tired. Not 'give up' tired. But definitely discouraged tired. It's a lot to deal with, on top of the foster system, working 40+ hours, maintaining a semblance of a romantic relationship and friendships (and probably failing), extra-curricular activities, and a side business. I'm failing....and hard. Even having a night to be an adult doesn't cure this exhaustion. Sleep doesn't touch it.  And yes, I know I asked to do this. This was my choice and I get that, others don't see why this shou...

Yesterday was court for Little Man. And it was a permanency hearing so I honestly thought we would be moving forward.  Instead....the unthinkable happened. First, I was made to leave the court room because his bio mom's lawyer said I had no right to be there. Then, it when on for over 30 minutes when it has never gone on that long. And the GAL wouldn't tell me much other than we go back in October but that it didn't go well. So, here is what I know.  Mom adamantly denies drinking during any of her pregnancies and demanded to call the doctor that diagnosed 2 of her 3 kids with Fetal Alcohol Syndrom (Little Man is in the process of being diagnosed and even his case manager says "he, definitely, has it"). So the judge has required that mom be allowed to call the doctor and talk to them about it. What wasn't said but is implied is that after October 4th, there is no reason to not send Little Man and his siblings home to her. As a matter of fact, all visits a...

Hope is such a slippery slope.  On the one hand, you want that hope. You need to cling to the hope because otherwise, what's the point. But on the other hand, to have that hope is to live in a world of unknown and fear.  That's the world I'm living in now. My Little Man's siblings are living with kin.  The cousins of their father. My Little Man's father. These kin are big scary monsters to me because I envision them abusing my Little Man. These were the people I sent him to in November for a few hours to visit his siblings and he came back with signs of sexual abuse.  I didn't want to think it was his siblings that may have done that to him. I wanted to believe the monsters were adults. But I digress....the reason I mention the cousins is because they reached out to me a few weeks ago to discuss the case. I'll be honest, I've been living in denial for a long time after the visit from his case workers in June. This impending doom that he's poten...

In this crazy business of fostering (and definitely in foster to adopt), there are no certainties.  Never beleive, for a second, anything is FOR SURE.  Not until the ink is dry on the decree. I'm still trying to process what happened yesterday.  What was said.  I feel like I've shut down a bit because I don't want to believe it. Little Man and I had our monthly meeting with his case manager.  I'll be honest, I've gotten a bit cocky about the future with Little Man.  We are set to go to termination and I've started making plans.  Which I know I should never ever do. I was told yesterday that his case manager is recommending that Little Man and his siblings be sent home by the end of the year. Nevermind that she is mentally not capable of supporting and challenging three kids. Nevermind that she can't financially support herself, let alone another 3 children. Nevermind that I have fallen so deeply in love with my Little Man that...

I remember when I was in kindergarten, 1st grade and having field day.  The running, potato sack races and tug of war. It was always how you celebrated the end of the school year and you got to be outside rather than in the classroom. This week, Little Man had his field day and I was so lucky to get to attend it.  Now, you all may remember Little Man and soccer.  He was super excited to do it but for only about 20 minutes.  The way the school set it up, the "upper classman" were manning all the stations and each class moved between 10 stations for roughly 2 hours.  As you can imagine, he lasted about 3 stations before he walked over to me and stood there asking to go home. Never mind, he still had the whole 2nd half of the day to do even after all 10 of the stations. I really had to get him back in the group but once he was focused and I started helping him through all of the stations, he had a blast.  And it brought back so many memories for me.  ...