Fostering The Love In Kansas

On the eve of the pretrial for Little Man's termination, I find myself sad and anxious. I'm sad because it's going to go to termination and Little Man's mother will be losing her 3 children.  This will have been going on for 23 1/2 months by the time the trial happens in August.  His mother has consistently been present but just not able to parent these three high needs kids.  She's been inconsistent with her skills and ability to adapt.  But she's still been here.  She didn't stop showing up (except a few times but no one can really blame her), she has tried. Little Man is going to lose his biological family.  The ties that bind them will be severed forever.  This doesn't mean that there will be no more contact, just that it won't be as consistent as it has been.  I'm sad because a mother is recognizing that she cannot provide and is willing to have someone else take on that burden.  I'm sad because Little Man is losing his other...

This isn't a milestone day - we have been placed together for over 22 months but it's not exactly 22 months today. Instead, it's just 675 days that Little Man and I have been together. But it's days, like today, that reminds me of how far we have both come. How much has changed in both of our lives.  Mostly all for the good. Today, Little Man is hanging out with his Amee and Papa because camp is closed this week. He is running through a sprinkler, helping with chores, and running errands.  All totally normal things. I realize, every day, that this is not a normal life though. Every Saturday, he leaves for 24 hours.  He leaves in good condition (physically and mentally) but comes back dirty, smelling of urine, manic and usually in the clothes he went in even though I pack him a bag with a lot of different clothes (pullups, PJ's, underwear, etc).  And it doesn't matter to his case team...we continue to put him in that situation. In 39 days, we go back to c...

This milestone in my life is not case related.  But is rather one related to the normalcy of life with Little Man. Today, he is graduating kindergarten.  I may have only cried a little bit when I dropped him off and clutched him enough to make him wriggle a bit but totally bawled when I drove away. He repeated kindergarten because he just wasn't ready for 1st grade last year.  He and I worked really hard over the summer in 2016 to get him to a point where he was going into the 2nd round of kindergarten prepared and really where he needed to be. I didn't have to fight hard to get the school to have him repeat kindergarten.  It was the best thing for him. Everyone could see that. So today is a celebration for not only Little Man but his teachers, his special ed teachers, his para's, and his school.  Everyone worked extremely hard to get him to this point. Look at that grin!

Well, we made it to lunch and had a nice time.  The food was good, I hear.  I wouldn't know because I was trying to cram a PB&J down the throat of a child that asked for it but suddenly "HATES peanut butter and jelly"....in addition to trying to maintain the speed in which Mr. T was demanding food be moving towards his mouth. The minute that deadline wasn't met, we were all plied with screams of "mooppp mooppp" which is his version of "more"....a lot of ol' timers DID NOT think that was cute and endearing. While we made reservations for this quaint little hole in the wall (and it really was good food, honestly) - it was frickin' packed so getting up and around people to go to this buffet was always fun with two littles in my wake.  Because, of course, I couldn't be left alone to make decisions on what I wanted to eat. After lunch, we toodled over to Pamona Lake where my boys were able to sit in the water and sand (half of which ...

I'd like to report that I slept in, I had breakfast in bed served to me by two wonderful children and a manfriend.  We have lunch plans but I was given the luxury of some alone time where I can soak in the tub, have a fancy cup of coffee and maybe read. I'd like to report that but instead what has happened is this: 6:45 a.m. (A.FUCKING.M) - Little Man comes crashing into my room and plants his knee right into my bladder - jarring me out of bed immediately. 7:07 a.m. - Mr. T is screaming in his crib because he can hear with his supersonic ears, that Little Man and I are awake and doing things without him. 7:45 a.m. - Mr. T has started his breakfast and I have started Little Man and I on an art project for my mother and Manfriend's mother - to be presented at lunch. 8:32 a.m. - first breakfast over and art project just about done - Mr. T takes first dump of the day and requires a bath.  I've started a load of laundry 8:55 a.m. - second breakfast has begun for ...

I talked about you today....for like the millionth, hundredth, billionth time.  I talked to a room full of people about why I wanted to be your mommy. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to be anyone's mommy.  But now, after 614 days, I want to be YOUR mommy. The venue - Liberty Hall in Lawrence, KS I talked about how hard it was to come to terms with not being a mother.  How I didn't feel like I fit into a preconceived notion of what a mother was. And the whole time, I saw your crooked smile...your floppy hair that is starting to look suspiciously like a mullet...the way you look at me out of the corner of your eye when you are picking your nose.... And I told them how smart you were and how big you are getting.  I think they could hear the pride in my voice when I talked about how funny you are and how nice you look when you dress yourself. Today I talked about how much I struggle to wear the title Mommy with you but you never struggle to call me ...

So, here is what I have learned from being a foster mom to 2 boys for 2 weeks. 1. Honestly, I need to buy a dairy cow. The amount of milk I am going through is insane. 2. My attention is being pulled in many different directions and it's not just Little Man that is adjusting to this, my poor fat Aspen is struggling too. 3. What once was easy is now much much harder. I can no longer just pick up, with one kid, and go. It takes flow diagrams, bribery, and masters in packing to get these two out the door without me having to turn around because I forgot something. 4. Little Man is adjusting and learning to share....who am I kidding?!?! That's a lie. 5. I have never been more sleep depraved, dirty, and plain physically exhausted....but I am so incredibly fulfilled. Don't even get me started on diapers and why my house smells like poop and pee all the time now.