Fostering The Love In Kansas

Today marks me being a foster parent to my Little Man for 2 years. It's hard to believe it's only been 2 years but then also that there is still so much ahead of us. Here is what I have learned being a foster mom for 2 years: 1. The label "mom" was a hard one for me to wear in the beginning because, in my head, I am not a real mom.  But after 2 years, I am Mom.  I wear that label proud.  I announce my label to anyone who listens.  I've worked really hard to have this relationship with Little Man and I am proud of it. I'm thankful that I have been given this opportunity to become the mother I wanted to be; all because of him. 2. Growth is a constant theme for us.  Not only is he growing physically, but his speech, reading, and writing are leaps and bound better than where he was a year ago.  His personality and sense of humor is growing.  And his sense of self is too.  The growth I see in him is amazing. My Little Man 3. I am not pre...

So, I have always wanted a big family.  The idea of gobs of kids running around and being noisy and dirty has never repulsed me.  I love the idea of taking care of people and especially MY people. My heart actually warms with the thought of big family dinners, noise, mess, and just love.  I wanted to be the mother that everyone came over to our house because they would be loved, listened to, and fed.  I wanted my kids to be proud of me as their mother and excited to visit with their families. When I went through the infertility treatments, the thought that I could have multiples with a pregnancy never scared me either because it's my family in one big push.  When that didn't happen, I figured fostering was going to feed that need to feed, love, and (s)mother kids. And it has happened.  I love having two boys.  I love having three bonus kids with the manfriend.  I love working with him and his two teens because I can (s)mother the heck out of t...

I've been sitting on this feeling for the last week. I didn't want to verbally vomit all over this blog with what happened last week because I was angry, sad, and downright beaten. What should be a countdown to termination has become something I had hoped wouldn't happen. First, I want to say that termination should never be celebrated.  It's a sad eventual outcome that is a blow to any family.  I know that in my instance, Little Man's mom has done all she can do and has come to realize that she just cannot provide for all of her children.  It's a sad time for everyone because she's losing all her kids.  She's losing that tie to her biological children. I am hoping that she will stay in Little Man's life, if not for her benefit, but for him. But that all changed last week when we went to pre-trial.  Dad showed up.  He had been released from jail in April.  Had been in prison the whole time Little Man has been in state custody.  He aband...

On the eve of the pretrial for Little Man's termination, I find myself sad and anxious. I'm sad because it's going to go to termination and Little Man's mother will be losing her 3 children.  This will have been going on for 23 1/2 months by the time the trial happens in August.  His mother has consistently been present but just not able to parent these three high needs kids.  She's been inconsistent with her skills and ability to adapt.  But she's still been here.  She didn't stop showing up (except a few times but no one can really blame her), she has tried. Little Man is going to lose his biological family.  The ties that bind them will be severed forever.  This doesn't mean that there will be no more contact, just that it won't be as consistent as it has been.  I'm sad because a mother is recognizing that she cannot provide and is willing to have someone else take on that burden.  I'm sad because Little Man is losing his other...

This isn't a milestone day - we have been placed together for over 22 months but it's not exactly 22 months today. Instead, it's just 675 days that Little Man and I have been together. But it's days, like today, that reminds me of how far we have both come. How much has changed in both of our lives.  Mostly all for the good. Today, Little Man is hanging out with his Amee and Papa because camp is closed this week. He is running through a sprinkler, helping with chores, and running errands.  All totally normal things. I realize, every day, that this is not a normal life though. Every Saturday, he leaves for 24 hours.  He leaves in good condition (physically and mentally) but comes back dirty, smelling of urine, manic and usually in the clothes he went in even though I pack him a bag with a lot of different clothes (pullups, PJ's, underwear, etc).  And it doesn't matter to his case team...we continue to put him in that situation. In 39 days, we go back to c...

This milestone in my life is not case related.  But is rather one related to the normalcy of life with Little Man. Today, he is graduating kindergarten.  I may have only cried a little bit when I dropped him off and clutched him enough to make him wriggle a bit but totally bawled when I drove away. He repeated kindergarten because he just wasn't ready for 1st grade last year.  He and I worked really hard over the summer in 2016 to get him to a point where he was going into the 2nd round of kindergarten prepared and really where he needed to be. I didn't have to fight hard to get the school to have him repeat kindergarten.  It was the best thing for him. Everyone could see that. So today is a celebration for not only Little Man but his teachers, his special ed teachers, his para's, and his school.  Everyone worked extremely hard to get him to this point. Look at that grin!

Well, we made it to lunch and had a nice time.  The food was good, I hear.  I wouldn't know because I was trying to cram a PB&J down the throat of a child that asked for it but suddenly "HATES peanut butter and jelly"....in addition to trying to maintain the speed in which Mr. T was demanding food be moving towards his mouth. The minute that deadline wasn't met, we were all plied with screams of "mooppp mooppp" which is his version of "more"....a lot of ol' timers DID NOT think that was cute and endearing. While we made reservations for this quaint little hole in the wall (and it really was good food, honestly) - it was frickin' packed so getting up and around people to go to this buffet was always fun with two littles in my wake.  Because, of course, I couldn't be left alone to make decisions on what I wanted to eat. After lunch, we toodled over to Pamona Lake where my boys were able to sit in the water and sand (half of which ...