Fostering The Love In Kansas

Today I celebrate having Little Man for 90 days.  In those short amount of days, I have learned this: 1. In the past, I would have argued you can't fall in love with someone that quickly.  How wrong I am. You can give someone your heart in a relatively short amount of time. 2. Sometimes, not knowing how to deal with behaviors means you're open to advice, opinions and trying unorthodox things. 3. Real fear is when your child is hurting and you can do nothing about it. 4. When I am told that the chances of Little Man going back to his mother are ZERO, my heart overflows, and my hope is reignited that this little man is going to be mine. I just need to be patient. 5. Christmas is a foreign concept to Little Man (as was Halloween and Thanksgiving), but I am thoroughly enjoying seeing holidays through his eyes. Little Man is getting more and more comfortable with me, his home, his doggie and his family.  He loves his Amee and Papa.  He loves his Fi.  He l...

So, Halloween was a first for Little Man.  While it didn't go as planned, I know he still enjoyed what we did. Christmas is another thing he just doesn't understand.  It first started in WalMart, when I would see the Christmas trees and ask him about them.  While he's not able to verbalize a lot, he still never seemed to understand what Christmas was. Last night, we had a box on our porch with a Christmas tree in it.  He wanted to put it up and so I went out to the garage and got lights and ornaments.  He was so excited to put the tree up. He still doesn't quite know what Christmas is and I think it's a combination of never having a Christmas because his family could never afford it but also a portion of it is because of the developmental issues. I have planned to wrap 25 books and he can open one each night starting December 1st.  He's really gotten into reading a few books each night and I want to encourage that further.  Most of them...

While I'm going to go over our day, the last bit of our day is what I am on cloud 9 with.  As I've said before, being a foster parent means that I have to be run through the wringer at least once a month.  Today was a day of meetings, walk throughs and appointments. Little Man woke up in a good mood and was in an even better mood that he didn't have to go to school.  What started as a good mood morphed into an amped up 5-year-old. When Little Man has an audience, he definitely likes to put on a show and today he had a massive audience. The morning started with not one, not two but three women in our home checking on him.  His caseworker, my caseworker and his therapist.  These monthly visits consist of him showing them all his toys, his bedroom and sometimes his underwear. What it's supposed to consist of, is to make sure he is safe (checking that my medicines are locked up, there are no knives in his bed, and he isn't living in the shed in the backyard)...

This morning, I was reminded that Little Man is not always going to be a typical 5-year-old and some mornings are hard.  He woke up in a bad mood and non-verbal. Not sure what prompted it but I kept us to our schedule as though nothing was different. I needed him to know that the world that we have together is going to continue whether he is in the mood for it or not. He made this one day at school a few weeks ago so I put it on him and told him it was his protection from the world. I don't know if he understood it, but he held my hand tight on the walk to school and asked for a 'kiss hug' before he went in.  He hasn't let me walk him all the way to the school doors since, like day 3, so I knew he was feeling a bit vulnerable. My heart aches for the pain I see in him sometimes but I have to believe that after 85 days with me, the pain is a little bit less.  He came home in a better mood and it was made even better because we took a walk with doggy, we saw Am...

Hold on folks...this is going to be a long and bumpy post....and I'm trying to not write this with too much anger. But I'll fail miserably. Tonight I received a call from my KVC worker letting me know that her director contacted her to tell her to have me take my blog down.  She made some mild accusations that I had his name on it (which I don't) and that there was his likeness up (which I have always made sure his face was covered).  They are grasping at straws. They didn't like that I was interviewed by the news, but I never said anything negative about them.  They don't like that I'm blogging about my experiences, although I've never been negative about them.  But you can bet that I will not be so kind in the future when I talk about them. My immediate, knee-jerk reaction, was to tell them to suck it.  I am not one for being told to do something...I know that this is bullying and I do not like to be bullied. The problem is, I was also told by my w...

Here is what I have learned from being a foster mom for 79 days: The things I take for granted (holidays, clothing, food) are not something Little Man takes for granted.  He doesn't understand Christmas so we are talking about it a lot at home.  I will be honest, Christmas time is always a very depressing time for me.  But I think this year is going to be a good one because I'll be able to show him what it's about (family, friends and giving) A haircut makes a little boy look so different.  Little Man had his first hair cut with me on Monday and he looks like a little adult man.  I find myself staring at him because I don't recognize him at first.  My heart tripped a bit when I think of all the hearts he is going to break. His level of dependency and love for me seems to have deepened.  He asks me to do things for him and he brings me things to show me.  The trust we are building together is starting to prove to him that he's safe. My...

So, daily routines are such a necessity with us.  Some of them are not as fun as others.  But the one that I have started to kind of get a kick out of is what I've started calling "the pat down". Each day, after school, I have to shake down my 5-year-old. 'Assume the position Little Man'. This was today's booty. Each morning, I send them back in a baggie in his backpack with an apology. Other routines are not as fun....like making him sit on the potty every time he eats something, as soon as he wakes up, etc...I've got to believe it's going to get better but right now, he just sees it as one more thing he has to do...we repeat (repeatedly) "if you need to go potty, what do you say?" "Mommy, toilet!" But he never does.  It's great to say you'll do it but to actually get him to think about doing it, is another thing.

So, without going into detail because I can't...I had to call DCF today to report an incident with Little Man.  I'm not going to talk about the incident or any part that may come after this call.  What I am going to talk about is how powerless I feel. My Little Man goes out into this world and a lot of the time I am there to shield and protect him.  But sometimes I'm not there and those times he is just so vulnerable. My Little Man is every bully's dream target - he is naive and trusting.  He's a huge people pleaser and doesn't understand evil or abuse.  I imagine he feels like he deserves what he gets. What I have to do, from here on out, is change his mind.  Tell him every day how wonderful and smart and funny and worth fighting for he is. I have to explain evil and abuse to him so he'll understand that it's not OK for people to treat him wrongly. I have to no longer shield him from things so he'll learn to stand up for himself. But my ...

So, one sign that Little Man is actually quite smart is that he knows his letters, colors, and numbers. He may not be able to sing the alphabet song or spell words out yet, but he definitely knows them. In kindergarten, you need to be able to understand the letter sound and put it with what the letter is.  He didn't know that.  He also couldn't spell basic words or even recognize words. I had bought these letter/picture puzzle pieces before Little Man came to me.  And it was one of the first things he gravitated to. But he never put the pieces together - figuratively and literally.  He loves the pictures and he loves the letters, but he never understood that they went together. Until today...the lightbulb came on and it was awesome!  Since he was home sick today, he spent most of the day taking them apart and putting back together.  We worked on him looking at the first letter on the picture and finding it.  He got so excited and he understood ...

While Shan is taking a break from blogging to clean the vomit off of herself and deal with a streppy Lil’ man, I, Fi, have taken it upon myself to stick my nose in her business like any good friend should and write a post for her blog. Introductions, Hi everyone, you can call me Fi. I have been a foster aunt to Lil’ man for a little over 2 months now and a friend to Shan for about 3 years.  By far, both have been a most rewarding experience. I say this because I have had a front row seat to watching Shan and bub fall in love with each other. I remember when Shan first solidified her plans to go through with the foster parent training. She often told me about her classes and what she was learning and what she expected out of the experience. As most things go, the training still didn’t prepare her for what she was about to go through. I knew that I was going to be there for her, but I have the advantage of leaving, clocking out and saying bye-bye .  Shan does not. ...

Tonight is the first time I have seriously thought about quitting.  I'm afraid this is going to be a long post, so I apologize now. It started bright and early today.  We got up, but I could tell Little Man wasn't ready to be up yet.  It took a couple of attempts to get out of bed but even then he wasn't really awake. Today was picture day at school.  I had his outfit picked out. We had talked about it for a few days, to prepare him for a slight change in the day. We went to brush his teeth and he upended the cup of water in his face and down the front of him.  He wanted to change because he hates being wet but he was just wet, not dirty and I wanted him in the outfit he had on.  Well, that was it...almost like he was spoiling for a fight. An utter and complete meltdown happened.  Screaming, crying, hitting and then he shut down. I picked him up and sat him on the toilet and attempted to put a cold washcloth on his face because he was red an...

This weekend, we did the one thing I have wanted to do since I was licensed to be a foster parent.  We got a library card for him.  The first couple of weeks I had him, he wouldn't sit through me reading more than a page or two to him.  But since he's started school, he's actually asked me to read to him and I could not be happier!  I told myself that I would be the "mom" that read a couple of books to her kids every night and I was sad when Little Man didn't take to it.  But now, we have been reading every night and he even picked out a few of the books himself. Had to start reading when we drove home This weekend was also Halloween.  Now Little Man doesn't understand Halloween.  We watched cartoons, we read books, we talked about it...but he never really understood it.  He got that he was able to wear a costume and that is something he loves to do, but he doesn't get the core concept of the holiday (it seems to be the same with Christmas t...