Woefully Under Trained
What they don't tell you or train you for in foster care, is the sheer exhaustion you're going to feel not only mentally and physically but emotionally. For those that are doing this with a spouse or significant other, I can't imagine the strain that it takes on a relationship.
For myself, being a single foster parent, I'm constantly tired. There's only so much that I can ask friends and family to do and I feel guilty even asking what I do. I know that this was my choice, my choice to take on a child at the age of 40. Never mind the fact that taking on a foster child comes with its own issues.
The amount of time it takes to win a child over in the foster care system is enormous but also completely dependent on the child
The days where my patience is so thin that I'm nailbiting my way just to get to the end of the day are getting more and more. I don't know if it's because I'm just tired and it's taking its toll or because it's just piling up. There are days where it so easy that it feels guilty. Then there the days, where I have to remove myself from his sight because I just get so angry or frustrated.
And I remove myself not because I'm afraid of what I'll do, but because I don't want him to see that he's frustrating me, that he's making me angry. I know he can't help doing and being how he is. He's five years old, he doesn't know.
And then on top just the day-to-day stuff, I've been sick and have no job, my stress level is at an all-time high. But it's still no excuse, I know I have a job being his foster mom, I know I have a calling with him. We still have really good moments every single day. Every morning, I get to walk him to school and see how excited he is to go to and see his friends and learn.
I know it's worth it, I see that and how he is changing, how he has become who he needs to be. But I also see the strain that it's taking on him, I see how he treats me compared to how he treats other people. I know he sees me as the enemy sometimes. But I also know that he does see me as somebody safe and will be there for him.
When it's just the two of us, we have these incredible moments. But if there is someone else around, I cease to matter or exist and am a nuisance when I need him to do something.
I know it's going to get better. I'm told that it's going to take at least a year or more for the process to go through, for the ability to terminate the parental rights. It's going to be worth it. But right now, I really want to sleep for 15 days. But sleep doesn't even touch this exhaustion.
What I can say is that I am so grateful for all the help I get. I have amazing family and friends. We have a fantastic support system. I could not have done this without them.
With school ending tomorrow, we have roughly 2+ weeks of just us...pray for us because we're going to need it. I may have to get a job to just get some time away. Or....it may be the best 2 weeks of our lives. With Christmas coming, it could be a Christmas miracle.
For myself, being a single foster parent, I'm constantly tired. There's only so much that I can ask friends and family to do and I feel guilty even asking what I do. I know that this was my choice, my choice to take on a child at the age of 40. Never mind the fact that taking on a foster child comes with its own issues.
The amount of time it takes to win a child over in the foster care system is enormous but also completely dependent on the child
The days where my patience is so thin that I'm nailbiting my way just to get to the end of the day are getting more and more. I don't know if it's because I'm just tired and it's taking its toll or because it's just piling up. There are days where it so easy that it feels guilty. Then there the days, where I have to remove myself from his sight because I just get so angry or frustrated.
And I remove myself not because I'm afraid of what I'll do, but because I don't want him to see that he's frustrating me, that he's making me angry. I know he can't help doing and being how he is. He's five years old, he doesn't know.
And then on top just the day-to-day stuff, I've been sick and have no job, my stress level is at an all-time high. But it's still no excuse, I know I have a job being his foster mom, I know I have a calling with him. We still have really good moments every single day. Every morning, I get to walk him to school and see how excited he is to go to and see his friends and learn.
I know it's worth it, I see that and how he is changing, how he has become who he needs to be. But I also see the strain that it's taking on him, I see how he treats me compared to how he treats other people. I know he sees me as the enemy sometimes. But I also know that he does see me as somebody safe and will be there for him.
When it's just the two of us, we have these incredible moments. But if there is someone else around, I cease to matter or exist and am a nuisance when I need him to do something.
I know it's going to get better. I'm told that it's going to take at least a year or more for the process to go through, for the ability to terminate the parental rights. It's going to be worth it. But right now, I really want to sleep for 15 days. But sleep doesn't even touch this exhaustion.
What I can say is that I am so grateful for all the help I get. I have amazing family and friends. We have a fantastic support system. I could not have done this without them.
With school ending tomorrow, we have roughly 2+ weeks of just us...pray for us because we're going to need it. I may have to get a job to just get some time away. Or....it may be the best 2 weeks of our lives. With Christmas coming, it could be a Christmas miracle.
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