Fostering The Love In Kansas

I remember when I was in kindergarten, 1st grade and having field day.  The running, potato sack races and tug of war. It was always how you celebrated the end of the school year and you got to be outside rather than in the classroom. This week, Little Man had his field day and I was so lucky to get to attend it.  Now, you all may remember Little Man and soccer.  He was super excited to do it but for only about 20 minutes.  The way the school set it up, the "upper classman" were manning all the stations and each class moved between 10 stations for roughly 2 hours.  As you can imagine, he lasted about 3 stations before he walked over to me and stood there asking to go home. Never mind, he still had the whole 2nd half of the day to do even after all 10 of the stations. I really had to get him back in the group but once he was focused and I started helping him through all of the stations, he had a blast.  And it brought back so many memories for me.  ...

Can we take a minute to talk about how expensive daycare is?  I mean, I know I want quality and safe daycare for Little Man. I want him engaged and learning. I want him to do things and expand his mind. But I don't want to pay for that. It's a horrible double standard.  I completely understand that I need to pay for what I want.  I guess I should say I CAN'T pay for that. I wish I could. What I also struggle with is finding good quality daycare that will take DCF payments.  It's hard to find and in my area.  There is this perception that DCF payments equate poor people.  But with the costs of daycare, your average person can't afford daycare all the time. The "nice part" of fostering, is that I do get help with daycare costs.  My agency pays roughly $2 an hour for daycare. Which is insanely low and doesn't cover much of the cost.  But it does help. When your average person, who doesn't have assistance, pays $150 a week...what does that lea...

I have been a foster mom for 252 days (9 months) and this is what I have learned: 1. Not unlike a pregnancy, I feel like I've worked on this Little Man and have created a little person who is becoming so much of his own person. 2. Something has clicked in Little Man recently and he has become more affectionate, more talkative and has much more personality. 3. Someone (Little Man) has learned eye rolls (his own version) and while immensely humourous....I do not look forward to the major attitude that could be coming in his tween and teenage years. 4. It's amazing the imagination of children and to see Little Man playing, singing, and dancing to his own imagination is just so wonderful. He couldn't/wouldn't do that 9/8/4 months ago.... 5. The more time I have this wonderful little man, the more I realize that I can never come back from this. I am going to be forever changed from this.

Back on March 1st, there was a court session.  This is typical as after the first 6 months of children being in care, you have to do a court hearing to see where it's going for the next several months. At the hearing on the 1st, the state and Little Man's GAL asked for termination.  As in terminating parental rights. On both parents. 6 months is a little early for this, in my experience. For Little Man's dad, I could see this as he's in jail, will be for quite awhile, and had walked out on his mom months ago. But Little Man's mom has been kinda working the case plan. I didn't attend as I assumed there would be a continuation for at least 4 months.  But, no...the judge was asked by mom's lawyer for a continuation and she gave them 28 days. March 29, I walked into the courtroom assuming they would be given another couple of months but the state submitted a petition for termination that morning and the judge granted it and set the date for termination tra...

Here is what I have learned after being a foster parent for 210 days: 1. To see the change in Little Man, it truly is amazing how much he has grown: physically, emotionally and intellectually. 2. The struggles we seemed to have in the past make me laugh.  The struggles we have now seem so minor and petty.  I find my anger dimming and my ability to breathe through it, much easier. 3. Apparently Little Man has decided to go through the terrible 2's, horrible 3's and surly pre-teens in the last month. I get asked "why?" EVERY.GD.TIME I ask him to do something.  Or I get him dragging his feet if I make him move to a different location than he thinks he needs to be at.  And if that little a-hole didn't roll his eyes at me the other day, it was only because he doesn't have that kind of coordination yet. 4. Little Man has started talking.  Like real conversations.   He told me exactly what he wanted to eat - which he's never done. Just came up to me a...

So, the other night, I seemed to have a minor breakdown.  I would like to chalk this up to being tired or hearing news last night about the possibilities of Little Man's case going to termination but then the possibility of them not allowing the siblings to be split or I'm tired or who knows... I also think that I saw my kiddo through someone else's eyes last night and I realized just how big and mature he's gotten. And it makes me so proud of him.  He is talking.  He is asking questions. He is interacting with people.  It makes me so scared for him to because now, now he can learn to be afraid and hurt and mad. So with all of that in my brain, this popped out of me and I cried.  I'm afraid of the future and I'm afraid of the present because I truly hope that I'm doing right by him. There are some days where I don't get to see him other than to wake him and walk him to school and then push him in the door and to bed. Weekends are precious to me as ...

So, being in this new role means I see the foster system from a different perspective.  I know that I can't talk about my clients or other things I see, while in this role. But what I can say is that I see a side of humanity that distresses me and saddens me.  But I also see all the good work and extraordinary effort parents do to get their kids back. This means that I do see Little Man's bio mother in a different light. This does not mean that I understand her and her actions. I do not understand how she can do the bare minimum.  But I understand her limitations better. I found out that the judge has given bio mom 30 days to do more.  At the end of March, the judge is going to decide if she will move the plan to termination or give only 2 months extension.  This is exciting and terrifying at the same time. Mostly, exciting because it's much sooner than I assumed it would happen (and I did assume it would go to termination and not reintegration). It's...