Fostering The Love In Kansas

Hope is such a slippery slope.  On the one hand, you want that hope. You need to cling to the hope because otherwise, what's the point. But on the other hand, to have that hope is to live in a world of unknown and fear.  That's the world I'm living in now. My Little Man's siblings are living with kin.  The cousins of their father. My Little Man's father. These kin are big scary monsters to me because I envision them abusing my Little Man. These were the people I sent him to in November for a few hours to visit his siblings and he came back with signs of sexual abuse.  I didn't want to think it was his siblings that may have done that to him. I wanted to believe the monsters were adults. But I digress....the reason I mention the cousins is because they reached out to me a few weeks ago to discuss the case. I'll be honest, I've been living in denial for a long time after the visit from his case workers in June. This impending doom that he's poten...

In this crazy business of fostering (and definitely in foster to adopt), there are no certainties.  Never beleive, for a second, anything is FOR SURE.  Not until the ink is dry on the decree. I'm still trying to process what happened yesterday.  What was said.  I feel like I've shut down a bit because I don't want to believe it. Little Man and I had our monthly meeting with his case manager.  I'll be honest, I've gotten a bit cocky about the future with Little Man.  We are set to go to termination and I've started making plans.  Which I know I should never ever do. I was told yesterday that his case manager is recommending that Little Man and his siblings be sent home by the end of the year. Nevermind that she is mentally not capable of supporting and challenging three kids. Nevermind that she can't financially support herself, let alone another 3 children. Nevermind that I have fallen so deeply in love with my Little Man that...

I remember when I was in kindergarten, 1st grade and having field day.  The running, potato sack races and tug of war. It was always how you celebrated the end of the school year and you got to be outside rather than in the classroom. This week, Little Man had his field day and I was so lucky to get to attend it.  Now, you all may remember Little Man and soccer.  He was super excited to do it but for only about 20 minutes.  The way the school set it up, the "upper classman" were manning all the stations and each class moved between 10 stations for roughly 2 hours.  As you can imagine, he lasted about 3 stations before he walked over to me and stood there asking to go home. Never mind, he still had the whole 2nd half of the day to do even after all 10 of the stations. I really had to get him back in the group but once he was focused and I started helping him through all of the stations, he had a blast.  And it brought back so many memories for me.  ...

Can we take a minute to talk about how expensive daycare is?  I mean, I know I want quality and safe daycare for Little Man. I want him engaged and learning. I want him to do things and expand his mind. But I don't want to pay for that. It's a horrible double standard.  I completely understand that I need to pay for what I want.  I guess I should say I CAN'T pay for that. I wish I could. What I also struggle with is finding good quality daycare that will take DCF payments.  It's hard to find and in my area.  There is this perception that DCF payments equate poor people.  But with the costs of daycare, your average person can't afford daycare all the time. The "nice part" of fostering, is that I do get help with daycare costs.  My agency pays roughly $2 an hour for daycare. Which is insanely low and doesn't cover much of the cost.  But it does help. When your average person, who doesn't have assistance, pays $150 a week...what does that lea...

I have been a foster mom for 252 days (9 months) and this is what I have learned: 1. Not unlike a pregnancy, I feel like I've worked on this Little Man and have created a little person who is becoming so much of his own person. 2. Something has clicked in Little Man recently and he has become more affectionate, more talkative and has much more personality. 3. Someone (Little Man) has learned eye rolls (his own version) and while immensely humourous....I do not look forward to the major attitude that could be coming in his tween and teenage years. 4. It's amazing the imagination of children and to see Little Man playing, singing, and dancing to his own imagination is just so wonderful. He couldn't/wouldn't do that 9/8/4 months ago.... 5. The more time I have this wonderful little man, the more I realize that I can never come back from this. I am going to be forever changed from this.

Back on March 1st, there was a court session.  This is typical as after the first 6 months of children being in care, you have to do a court hearing to see where it's going for the next several months. At the hearing on the 1st, the state and Little Man's GAL asked for termination.  As in terminating parental rights. On both parents. 6 months is a little early for this, in my experience. For Little Man's dad, I could see this as he's in jail, will be for quite awhile, and had walked out on his mom months ago. But Little Man's mom has been kinda working the case plan. I didn't attend as I assumed there would be a continuation for at least 4 months.  But, no...the judge was asked by mom's lawyer for a continuation and she gave them 28 days. March 29, I walked into the courtroom assuming they would be given another couple of months but the state submitted a petition for termination that morning and the judge granted it and set the date for termination tra...

Here is what I have learned after being a foster parent for 210 days: 1. To see the change in Little Man, it truly is amazing how much he has grown: physically, emotionally and intellectually. 2. The struggles we seemed to have in the past make me laugh.  The struggles we have now seem so minor and petty.  I find my anger dimming and my ability to breathe through it, much easier. 3. Apparently Little Man has decided to go through the terrible 2's, horrible 3's and surly pre-teens in the last month. I get asked "why?" EVERY.GD.TIME I ask him to do something.  Or I get him dragging his feet if I make him move to a different location than he thinks he needs to be at.  And if that little a-hole didn't roll his eyes at me the other day, it was only because he doesn't have that kind of coordination yet. 4. Little Man has started talking.  Like real conversations.   He told me exactly what he wanted to eat - which he's never done. Just came up to me a...