Fostering The Love In Kansas

So I was asked by Little Man's teacher to meet with her after school today.  Only 3 days in and I'm being brought in...I honestly had a stabbing moment of fear that I forgotten something in his backpack or had done something wrong...like I was being called into the principle's office. But it turns out that my initial concerns with putting Little Man in kindergarten are confirmed.  After 3 days, his teacher is not sure he's mentally capable of being in kindergarten. He just doesn't understand what is being asked of him in class, he can't comprehend what they are doing.  He just isn't there. He is struggling and it's just stressing him out.  Which I see...he has huge dark circles under his eyes, he's angry and he's tired. My options are now limited.  I've called to ask the principle for a meeting. I have to call the group that does assessments and request them to reassess him rather than go off an old IEP. But since he's 5, it...

I know that people always say that the 2nd day is always the worst after a workout and surgery, etc....well the 2nd day of kindergarten was the worst! This morning, we walked to school and I took him into the gym where breakfast is served.  He took his backpack off, got his milk and then proceeded to try to walk to the front of the line.  He was told to get in line a few times before he finally figured out what they wanted from him.  And when I started to leave I hear "No, Mommy...wait" and he looked so pathetic and sad. I said I had to go to work and that he needed to go to school and eat breakfast.  He kept calling after me "bye mommy" with those puppy dog eyes....he got me the first couple of times and I said bye back but then I realized he was stalling me so I just turned and left.  Man...he knows the buttons. When I got him from school, he was so excited to see me.  Yelled "Mommy" and ran towards me.  I'll admit, my heart leaped when he did ...

I'm coming to realize that the only limitations that Little Man has, are usually ones I envision for him.  I was really concerned about his first day of school.  But he did great.  He got a little overwhelmed when we made it to his classroom and I told him no when he wanted to run over to a bucket of letters.  He started to pout, but I quickly diverted his attention. I left him there and walked home.  I didn't cry (much) after that but I worried all day.  Not because I thought he would be harmed but that he would be too much for them.  I did get an email from his teacher half way through the day and she pretty much told me what I was worried to hear.  He's seriously behind and they are going to have to evaluate how to deal with that. And it's not academically that he's behind but that his motor skills are like a 2-year-old.  He uses his index finger and thumb almost exclusively to eat and pick things up, he doesn't know how to hold a...

Here is what I have learned from being a foster mom for 56 days (8 weeks!!!): 1. While I don't subscribe to the gender roles necessarily, Little Man is a boy through and through. He wants to be dirty, he wants to make lots of noise, and he really has zero issue with putting his fingers in his nose. He's gross and dirty and smelly (oh lord the smells). 2. I struggle with calling myself a Mom and Little Man my son. But the more mom's I talk to make me realize that just becaus e I didn't pop him out doesn't mean I'm not a mom. 3. I found myself standing around last week with a group of mom's and I was a part of this group. I could exchange stories and ask for advice. I'm trying to not cry about this but I have wanted to be a mom for awhile and I am...I'm Little Man's mommy. Thank you, ladies, for that.  4. While I thought it was pretty awesome that he calls me mommy...the best thing was when he told me he loved me without prompting...

So, I've been sober for almost 8 years.  I have had my fair share of hangovers, believe you me...but I also knew how to deal with them. I had a routine down on how to combat them.  If I had drunk hard liquor, I knew to feed my hangover.  If it was wine, I would just make myself throw up.  But the biggest weapon in my arsenal when dealing with an alcoholic hangover was sleep. Lots and lots of glorious sleep. But these weekends with Little Man are giving me hangovers of a more draining and exhaustive type.  I mean, I kind of assumed we'd slow down on the amount of 'going' we did because we'd get a routine or run out of things to do or something. But we haven't and there doesn't seem to be a chance of slowing down any time soon. And I'm tired.  It's a deep exhaustion that I'm learning doesn't get touched by actual sleep. It's the exhaustion of recovering from one of his meltdowns, having to deal with the side effects of someone being s...

Now, I may be overreacting a bit but I am freaking out about this.  I have had Little Man almost 2 months now and he will finally get to start school on Tuesday. And I'm freaking out because...you guys...he's special.  I mean, I know your kid is special but Little Man...Little Man is my special. I know I've mentioned that Little Man came with IEP's (3 to be exact) and reading through them was heartbreaking.  But what I really was concerned about was just how far behind he is. And the fact that he's not potty trained yet.  And is severely resistant to the whole concept of potty training. And I seem to be the only one concerned about him attending kindergarten.  I know, on an intellectual level, that this is going to be good for him.  That he's going to be pushed to come out from the delayed black hole that his mother had him in. But in my heart, I also know that my Little Man is sensitive and observant.  He's going to hear the comments and teasi...

A few days ago I had to endure sitting for a few hours at my cellular store. With a 5-year-old. Who has zero patience. And you know what?  Someone sent us an angel in the form of another 5-year-old. This little dude came up to Little Man and asked if he wanted to play.  Little Man was AWESOME!!!!  He got wound up, he ran around and got loud, but he was manageable.  The sad part was, the other little boy was actually a week younger than Little Man and was well double his size. He wasn't in diapers and he could speak in full sentences.  But he was so patient with Little Man. And Little Man had fun.  He was seriously wound up and had to be reminded on a regular basis to use his inside voice.  But he had fun. Before we left, I stopped at the parents of the other little boy and thanked them for letting him play with Little Man.  I told them he was the same age and they were shocked (like a lot of people are when they find out his ag...

Anger does weird things to people.  I know when I'm angry I'm completely transparent with how I feel.  I am not able to keep my feelings off my face or out of my voice. And SOMETIMES, I'm able to stop myself from being so angry that I regret what I'll say or do. Little Man, though...he takes anger to another level. And it's not always the same.  Some days he just sits and ignores everything I say or ask.  He won't make eye contact but will make sure to keep an eye on me by looking at me sideways. Some days, he throws things, yells, kicks his toys. And some days he just shuts down.  Not even making sure I'm watching him. That I have his attention. Just checking out and not in the moment.  Those times scare me because of what it means.  What things he's seen. He doesn't do it as much with me anymore. And I'd like to think that's because he's starting to feel safe and secure. I have to forgive Little Man every time he breaks somethin...

I finally got the last 3 years of IEP's from the bio mom for Little Man.  As I read through them, going from when he was 3 years old, all the way up until July of this year...I am very quickly aware that while they were able to pinpoint a lot of his weaknesses and areas that need to be improved on, NOTHING has really been done to help him. The same things they saw at 3 years old, he still has at 5 years old.  So why is that the case?  I know part of it may be because of his home life.  Mom noted in his first IEP at 3 years old that he had a "wandering eye" and would get it looked at, but Little Man still has a lazy eye. They talked about how his vocabulary is many years behind his actual age.  And this is still true. They talked about how his motor skills are poor and need work.  And this is still true. So what has been done to help this little man? And trying to get him enrolled at the local school is going slow because they honestly don't know w...

Here is what I have learned from being a foster mom for 43 days (that's 6 weeks and a day): 1. Telling a child to stop picking their nose will increase the number of fingers up said nose. 2. As a foster parent, I am in the dark when it comes to what is happening outside of what Little Man and I have going on.  It's incredibly frightening to think that things are being decided without any input from me. 3. I have never known exhaustion like I know it now. 4. Getting enrolled in school is easy until you introduce foster care and IEP from a different county.  I'm not sure what's going to happen, but it's not cut and dry. 5. Halloween seems to be a foreign concept to Little Man, but we have a costume that I would not have picked out for him.  But he chose it so we are going as Mario. Now to explain trick-or-treating.

Last night was one of the worst ones we've had.  I need to get this out.  Honestly, I've thought about little else since last night. I put Little Man to bed last night.  Everything seemed normal.  Although, leading up to bed was a bit rough.  We had dinner at our local church and there were other kids there that he ran with.  He was having a great time but was loud and he was seriously worked up. I stopped him running one time and he was shaking so hard from all the adrenaline pumping through him.  He was angry at me and wouldn't listen but by the time we got home, he was happy.  Cuddly and happy. About an hour after putting him to bed, I felt something hit the wall between our rooms.  I went in and he had thrown all his toys around.  A couple of them were broken.  He had eaten - EATEN - the binding off two books. As soon as I walked in, he shut down.  He knew he had done something wrong. But I couldn't get him to speak...

I wouldn't say that I didn't believe the stories I heard of frazzled mothers and their actions but I may have thought they were slightly exaggerated.  But that all changed when I found myself, at 11:30 at night, rounding the corner into the kitchen, and before I knew it I had stuffed a chicken nugget that had been sitting on the counter for four hours into my mouth. I didn't even think about it, I just stuffed it.  First let me just say that, in the past, I wouldn't have had chicken nuggets sitting on the counter. And second, I wouldn't of put the chicken nugget in my mouth at 11:30 at night. But this night I hadn't eaten dinner because Little Man had a meltdown while I was serving him his dinner, so I had to coax him into eating and just never got back to my meal.  And it's around this time of reflection, that I realized then that my hair had been in a sloppy bun on top of my head every night (and day for that matter) for the last five weeks....

Here is what I have learned from being a foster mom for 35 days: 1. It actually may be cheaper to buy a cow. 2. While there are services available for parents that have children with special needs, it will require so many forms, hoops jumped through and blood/sweat/tears that it can be discouraging. 3. Cartoons that Little Man likes are not intellectually stimulating for adults. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I hate Barney, Bonnie Bear and those damn crayons that never speak (I've blocked the name out of fear). 4. What scared me 2/3/4 weeks ago no longer does (i.e. haircuts, dentist and more doctor's appointments) 5. The saying "It takes a village" could not be more accurate. It is not just Little Man and me. There are so many of you involved in this young person's life. I hope he someday realizes how much he is loved and supported. And I hope you all know how much I appreciate all of your advice (truly!!) and support.

So I have been pretty quiet for the last few days because it's just been so NOT normal here. Whatever "normal" is for us, at least. I had knee surgery on Tuesday which is good because I was having a hard time keeping up with Little Man but on the flip side I definitely can't keep up with him right now.  My folks kept him for two nights and just generally entertained him most of the time. Fi showed up at 5:30 in the morning the day of surgery to be there when he woke up since I had to be at the hospital at 6 am and take him to daycare.  My church fed us for 6 days. I have had so many people helping that it truly is amazing because I would not have been able to do it without them. And as I reflect, I realize how much I have to be grateful for in my life. Today we went out to a pumpkin patch owned by a friend of mine.  She has been a "follower" on FB of Little Man and I and reached out to ask if he would like to come out.  While I don't think...