Fostering The Love In Kansas

9/28/2015 Here is what I have learned from being a foster mom for 28 days.  1. Best feeling in the world is when Little Man sees me when I come to pick him up at daycare and he launches himself into my arms.  2. The knowledge that I and Little Man are not alone on this journey. The amount of people cheering us on and lending a hand is awe inspiring.  3. Attitude truly is everything. When I'm safe in the knowledge that he is staying, our relationship went to a whole new level and that is solely because he knew I was happy  4. If a child is quiet for even a few minutes, check on them. Little Man pooped in his room, on the carpet, and hid it for several hours.  How do you even address that??? 5. While I tell myself and others that this is a job, my heart belongs to this little boy. I am his mommy.  All it takes is a hose, a bike, and a boy to create happiness. 

You know those motivational posters that some swear by? I have never subscribed to most of these. I've always felt that if you want something to happen, you have to make it happen yourself. Be it through hard work, dedication or by intimidation or manipulation.  But the last three days have proven to me that I was wrong.  The sheer amount of people that have stepped up and sent their well wishes and prayers prove that I was wrong.  Because I truly believe that all those positive vibes were sent out into the universe and it responded.  We have not had a time out or meltdown in 2 days. He knows and that's probably because my attitude has changed. He senses in me the calm that has come about because he gets to stay.  So attitude IS everything.

9/25/2015 So after a very long night of no sleep and many many tears....I got a call around 2:45 this afternoon, telling me that Little Man is staying. Apparently the kinship family thought Little Man was in a group home. When they found out he was in a foster home, they asked if it would be a good idea if he was moved and Little Man's worker told them she thought he was doing well with me. So the kinship home decided to not take him.  I am so happy that his worker felt strongly enough to tell them that she thought it was a bad idea to move him and that he was doing so well with me. I also found out that the bio mom is no longer allowed access to the kids.  I wasn't told why and I can't ask.  Visitation will most likely be moved to every other week because the grandfather isn't able to get off work every week and he's the one that's been making the visitations lately. Little Man asks about his siblings on a regular basis.  But the last visitation, when h...

9/24/2014 I have to admit that I hoped this wouldn't actually happen.  That something would happen and fate would change the course of actions set in motion. October 1st, Little Man will be moved to Johnson County and into a kinship home.  I am given a week to prepare him.  But how do you prepare someone who just doesn't understand?  I'll ask him how his day was and every time it's "yes." Did you eat lunch? "yes" Did you take a nap? "yes" (no he didn't) Did you poopy on the toilet? "yes" Did you ride in a helicopter? "yes" Did you see a monkey? "yes" Not that Little Man isn't a smart dude, he just doesn't understand the basic things.  He doesn't see things the way most people see them.  How do you make someone like that understand that he won't come back home when he goes to visitation next week?  And how do I deal with knowing all of this and not be affected by it? So I asked ...

I have been a foster mom for 23 days.  Those 23 days have been good, bad and some have been really ugly. Some of the good ones were days where Little Man and I did absolutely nothing but just be with each other and giggle and explore our connection. Some of the bad days were because he was angry or sad or just plain scared and didn't know how to deal with those emotions so he acted out. The really ugly ones haven't been about him at all.  Rather, it's about how the system is ugly and cruel and not put in place for the betterment of the child. Today I was told that he will most likely be removed.  Not because he hasn't flourished, built relationships and started healing.  But because the family that they will place him with are kin and so won't be paid the daily rate from DCF. While I knew the chances of him going back to his family where high and I knew that I needed to prepare myself.  What I wasn't prepared for was that the system put in place to ens...

9/21/2015 Here is what I have learned from being a foster mom for 3 weeks. 1. Bribery and manipulation are still the only currency that works with Little Man. 2. Poop and pee are still funny at 41 years old. 3. Disguising the same food in other forms is key to getting a picky eater to eat. 4. Learning to pick your battles is key in keeping your sanity. 5. Some people are worth fighting for even having only known them 3 weeks. Little Man and I took a walk after dinner (which was just reheated rice and hamburger but I put some sauce on and he shoveled it in like he hadn't eaten for 3 days). Normally, walks are no issue and they really wear him down but my knee is getting so bad that I'm popping anti-inflammatories and pain pills on the regular.  Luckily, I have surgery scheduled next week to remove the meniscus and cartilage in my knee.  I'll be down for a bit but will be better equipped to keep up with him after that (hopefully).  Because this boy wants t...

So I'd like to say that I had a naked male in my house all weekend and we did wicked things but what I really mean is a toddler that somehow found new ways to exhaust me.... My 5-year-old came to me not potty trained.  Yes, 5-years-old....it has been a battle because he really likes wearing diapers.  And I believe that sitting on the toilet was used as punishment because he would scream bloody murder when I first asked him to sit on the potty. I don't think he is not intelligent enough to get on board with potty training, but I just think he's lazy and hasn't been truly motivated to use the toilet. I've read quite a few websites, magazine articles, and books and most of them say to take the diapers away along with the clothes and just let them learn to ask to use the potty. Meaning...you don't leave the house because your toddler is buck-ass naked. I'm serious...I had a naked 5-year-old running around my house like he had invented the concept of being na...

9/20/2015 I've really had to think hard about what to write about the first home visit.  I have a lot of thoughts going around in my head and I didn't want to verbally vomit all over this blog the day it happened so I've had some time to think about it. Friday the 18th Little Man's worker and my worker came to the house.  This will happen once a month until the end of god damn time. The point of this is to make sure I don't have him locked up or am using him to create couture clothing in a sweatshop.  Of course, while they were there he decides to have a complete meltdown and I had to put him in timeout. Little Man loves pretty girls.  Besides my friend Fi, he was flirting and hanging all over his worker. I think part of it is because she's there when there is visitation with his mom and siblings but also because he sees a pretty young girl (that's code for someone he can manipulate).  Well, apparently he tried to hit her when he took her into his ro...

Here is what I have learned from being a foster mom for 20 days: 1. Do NOT startle your naked toddler...there will be pee 2. Pancakes for dinner makes me awesome apparently 3. Home visits from the foster system suck big ass! 4. Just sitting there listening to him play is entertainment you can't buy. 5. You can do the Topeka zoo in about 35 minutes and still see just about everything. My ass is huge

When I started this blog, I made myself a promise. A promise that I would be honest and open about all of it. So here is the cold ugly truth.  I am going to be single forever. I was single before this. Not necessarily by choice but because I'm fat, old and super picky. But now I am S-I-N-G-L-E for realsies.  In the past, if I wanted 'company * ', I could do so with little to no concerns or issues. But now...now I have a little person who is super impressionable that I have to consider.  This is the child that mimics me when we talk or as I'm doing things around him. Not as a way of sassin' but because he's watching me and listening to me for clues to how he should behave or treat others.  Not to mention, I already have a hundred-pound dog that has jealousy issues, I don't need to scar this little person with some jackwad I might bring into his life.  I feel like that's been done enough in his life and he deserves better.  This...

9/16/2015 I am tired.... Like, so tired that I'm too tired to sleep, tired. I briefly considered letting Little Man just fend for himself and I lock myself in the bedroom with headphones and Xanax... I threw around the idea that I could drop him off at a friends house (or a neighbor) and leave for the evening... I even (not really) thought about a Benadryl and milk concoction. I ended up just feeding him, bathing him, playing with him and putting him to bed as normal. I yawned more, I forgot to buy a few things when we stopped at the store, I'm fairly certain I won't get a shower tonight but my Little Man knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is loved, fed and cared for.  And almost as if he knew it, he was wound up tight tonight and just wanted to wrestle, run and be loud. But my body is worn out, my brain is not firing and I'm missing things.  I stay up late to clean the house, wash the dishes, do work and generally do the things I don't want to do...

9/15/2015 Not sure if he was truly sick but around 10:30 pm last night, Little Man woke up vomiting. If this was because of the Vegetable Monster , I am going to feel terrible.  He had a slight temp and threw up a few more times but seemed his usual self.  I finally got him back to sleep and less smelly around 12:30 am.  Of course, it also means I can't take him to daycare in the morning.  So today was a home day. We managed to do some chores around the house.  Did I mention I started a chore chart for Little Man?  At his age and "level", I only have him taking his laundry from his basket to the machine on Sunday's.  On Monday's he helps me take the trash out and put the big can by the alley for pick up on Tuesday.  And on Thursday's he has to help me do a small sink of dishes.   So far, he's done really well.  I think it's because he really likes putting the stickers on the days he does the chores. We also put a small sticker on t...

9/14/2015 So Little Man is a picky eater.  I mean PICKY!  I have tried a lot of different dishes but have really only nailed down one or two only to try them again and he turns his nose up at them. Today, we tried baby carrots and a few slices of cucumber.  Or at least that is what we started with.  On his main plate, I made elbow mac, Ragu, and meat.  It was so gross and bland, but he loved it.  He totally refused to eat any veggies so I asked him to eat at least 4 pieces of carrot (a total of 2 full baby carrots) and a 1/4 of a slice of cucumber. This was the beginning of the end.  It's not like I shoved it down his throat but....After ONE LITTLE NIBBLE: I'm trying to not laugh at this point, but he nibbled....nibbled and started gagging. I am no longer laughing..... Obviously a bath was had immediately and he was fine afterwards but dang, I felt like poop. So now I have to find ways to get veggies in his...

9/14/2015 Here is what I have learned being a foster mom for 2 weeks: 1. The battle to make a little one eat a vegetable ended with vomit.   Little Man - 1 Mom - 0 2. Someone has a sense of humor because I'm a pretty picky eater and Little Man is WORSE. 3. Time outs are a life saver, if even for those 3 minutes.   It helps both of us collect ourselves. 4. To be effective, I have begun telling myself that while I love this little man, it is a job.   Because, my heart is already humming along to him calling me mommy. 5. Two weeks are truly enough time to make a child forget some things and remember how wonderful he is.

9/13/2015 Man, it hasn’t even been two weeks and I’m being traded in for a newer, more diverse and younger model.   Met a friend and her godson at the park and I ceased to exist. Fi has met Little Man multiple times.   Has had dinner with us, been to the house with him, shopped with us but today something triggered in Little Man. He only had eyes for Fi.   We assume it’s because she brought an adorable 2-year-old with her and he felt like he had competition.   But man…he stopped listening to me, he ran off, but he never stopped watching her. As soon as she was ready to leave, I was back in his good graces and I’m assuming, as his way of apologizing, said “come on Mom, let's go home” Time outs were also used today – two to be exact. But Little Man stayed in the spot I put him in and he knew he was in trouble.  Once because he pretended to hit the dog and that's a big NO NO.  And another because he kept running off at the park with Fi. ...