Reality is...

When I started this blog, I made myself a promise. A promise that I would be honest and open about all of it. So here is the cold ugly truth.  I am going to be single forever.

I was single before this. Not necessarily by choice but because I'm fat, old and super picky. But now I am S-I-N-G-L-E for realsies. 

In the past, if I wanted 'company*', I could do so with little to no concerns or issues. But now...now I have a little person who is super impressionable that I have to consider. 

This is the child that mimics me when we talk or as I'm doing things around him. Not as a way of sassin' but because he's watching me and listening to me for clues to how he should behave or treat others. 

Not to mention, I already have a hundred-pound dog that has jealousy issues, I don't need to scar this little person with some jackwad I might bring into his life.  I feel like that's been done enough in his life and he deserves better. 

This latest incident with him calling strange men "Daddy" is also another reason he needs my attention and love before my "needs".

On the flip side of this is the fact that I spent the last 8 years single and kept telling myself and others that dating was hard for me because I have a hard time bringing new furniture into my life, let alone letting some dude share my bed and free time. 

Instead of furniture, I get a child. Makes perfect sense. 

* - this is code for getting lucky.  But if my mother is reading this, it's code for reading a book with a book club.