The system is broken
9/20/2015
I've really had to think hard about what to write about the first home visit. I have a lot of thoughts going around in my head and I didn't want to verbally vomit all over this blog the day it happened so I've had some time to think about it.
Friday the 18th Little Man's worker and my worker came to the house. This will happen once a month until the end of god damn time.
The point of this is to make sure I don't have him locked up or am using him to create couture clothing in a sweatshop. Of course, while they were there he decides to have a complete meltdown and I had to put him in timeout.
Little Man loves pretty girls. Besides my friend Fi, he was flirting and hanging all over his worker. I think part of it is because she's there when there is visitation with his mom and siblings but also because he sees a pretty young girl (that's code for someone he can manipulate). Well, apparently he tried to hit her when he took her into his room. So I shooed her out and put him in timeout. I guess that's good to show that he listens but damn it, he could have waited until they were gone to melt down.
But the part that made me angry and sad was the conversation that his worker had with me. Apparently, Little Man was put into respite care immediately after removal from his mother. He spent 72 hours with these people. I was told on Friday that because they were considered kinship (meaning they aren't bio but they are close to bio) there was a bond and that KVC wants to move him back to that. What wasn't said and what I found out later was that when a family is considered kinship, SRS doesn't have to pay them a daily rate. So, the wellbeing of Little Man is really what is most cost effective for SRS.
Nevermind that I've had him almost 3 weeks and there is a bond there. Let's uproot him again and give him to people that won't get paid to take care of him. The other thing is that his siblings aren't going to this family. Just him.
I didn't even know what to think or say after our visit. He was already wound up from his 2nd visitation with his mom and siblings the night before and after getting a timeout, he was literally bouncing off the walls.
But now I have to start preparing myself for him leaving (maybe)...all I could think of was how unfair this was to him. And it doesn't seem to even matter what this will do to him. It matters how much money SRS doesn't have to pay.
I'm sickened and disheartened. I'd like to say I was prepared for this, but I'm not. This is what the system is all about. Nevermind that he will have to adjust to another family, another house, another routine. Nevermind that he is making huge strides in his speech, eating and boundaries here. Let's move him over and over again and ensure he doesn't have a better life.
I've really had to think hard about what to write about the first home visit. I have a lot of thoughts going around in my head and I didn't want to verbally vomit all over this blog the day it happened so I've had some time to think about it.
Friday the 18th Little Man's worker and my worker came to the house. This will happen once a month until the end of god damn time.
The point of this is to make sure I don't have him locked up or am using him to create couture clothing in a sweatshop. Of course, while they were there he decides to have a complete meltdown and I had to put him in timeout.
Little Man loves pretty girls. Besides my friend Fi, he was flirting and hanging all over his worker. I think part of it is because she's there when there is visitation with his mom and siblings but also because he sees a pretty young girl (that's code for someone he can manipulate). Well, apparently he tried to hit her when he took her into his room. So I shooed her out and put him in timeout. I guess that's good to show that he listens but damn it, he could have waited until they were gone to melt down.
But the part that made me angry and sad was the conversation that his worker had with me. Apparently, Little Man was put into respite care immediately after removal from his mother. He spent 72 hours with these people. I was told on Friday that because they were considered kinship (meaning they aren't bio but they are close to bio) there was a bond and that KVC wants to move him back to that. What wasn't said and what I found out later was that when a family is considered kinship, SRS doesn't have to pay them a daily rate. So, the wellbeing of Little Man is really what is most cost effective for SRS.
Nevermind that I've had him almost 3 weeks and there is a bond there. Let's uproot him again and give him to people that won't get paid to take care of him. The other thing is that his siblings aren't going to this family. Just him.
I didn't even know what to think or say after our visit. He was already wound up from his 2nd visitation with his mom and siblings the night before and after getting a timeout, he was literally bouncing off the walls.
But now I have to start preparing myself for him leaving (maybe)...all I could think of was how unfair this was to him. And it doesn't seem to even matter what this will do to him. It matters how much money SRS doesn't have to pay.
I'm sickened and disheartened. I'd like to say I was prepared for this, but I'm not. This is what the system is all about. Nevermind that he will have to adjust to another family, another house, another routine. Nevermind that he is making huge strides in his speech, eating and boundaries here. Let's move him over and over again and ensure he doesn't have a better life.
My mom was a foster care social worker for years, and it is a heart-breaking, tough job. No matter what happens, know that you made a difference for your little guy, and that he will always remember you as someone who genuinely cared about him. And although I know it may be about cost, I would hesitate to assume that. I know my mom didn't make her decisions based on cost, and it's usually preferable to put kids with someone they know as long as they pass the necessary hoops. I also know people who took in kids of friends in bad situations, and they did it out of love. Sending you many prayers.
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